A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey everyone, kinda new to this so it might be a long question but i'll work with it..basically, a couple of years ago i had a short fling with my best friend (we're both girls) which lasted about 2/3 months and ended when she got a boyfriend. i'd always had feelings for her but these intensified when the fling began. anyway, i was disappointed when things broke off but accepted it because i wanted her to be happy and understood that nothing serious was necessarily ever going to come from it. after a while, she began to act very strange around me and eventually just ignored me altogether. this lasted until just recently, so over a year, and i was really devastated the whole way through. to be honest, i really loved her! anyway lately we've been back in touch and the feelings are kinda gradually fading after so long, which is good i guess since she now has a bf anyway.. in the time we haven't been talking so much has happened- i've gone from being this totally confident, happy, ambitious person to an emotional wreck! i've managed to come to terms with the fact that i'm gay, although none of my close friends/family know this yet. i've managed to meet a couple of girls but my self esteem is so low and my mood swings so bad, they eventually just get fed up and move on. i also got a new job, over a year ago, hoping it would be just what i needed- a new career path and something to focus on. unfortunately, although the job is wonderful and rewarding, my confidence has taken a real plummet because of constant 'put-downs' from some of the people i work with. i'm not one for feeling sorry for myself and i know i'm really lucky to have so many wonderful things in my life, but i just can't help feeling so lonely. it feels as if my friends aren't interested in what i say, how i feel even sometimes, my job isn't working out, everything is just so mixed up. i don't know who to talk to, how to change, how to build my confidence up and how to meet someone who might finally make me feel like the 'old me' - the bubbly, bright person i miss! sorry for this really long piece of writing but some help would be greatly appreciated!
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ambition, best friend, confidence, I work with, move on, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2010): Well your best friend was a huge part of your life and obviously a huge part of your happiness. No longer having her, I am sure has taken a huge toll on your emotional state and your loneliness. I had a couple of "break ups" with ex best friends and I can guarantee you it feels just as painful as breaking up with a boyfriend! Or worse! I was miserable. Finding the perfect best friend is hard. They can add so much to your life and their absence can just as easily take away all that bubbliness and happiness that they so easily complemented you with. (Oh ps, I am not gay) so it has nothing to do with being in love with her.
If I were you I would try talking with her. Just put your pride aside and tell her how you feel. Obviously you are happy for her and her boyfriend you just really miss your friendship at a platonic level. Hopefully she feels the same way and you both can work things out and continue being a bigger part of each others lives.
In any case, I also think it is important for you to branch out a bit. I know loneliness sucks. But you seem like a very intelligent woman with a good head on your shoulders. But little by little you need to meet people. OTHER people. Have you heard the phrase, "fake it till you make it?" That's what you have to do right now. Nobody has to know that you are down, and the best way to attract people is to yourself exude happiness. Even if you have to put on a face do it because that is going to attract the right people in your life. And before you know it you won't be faking that happiness cause you really will be.
And above all be patient. Everything is going to come together in due time. You know getting drunk alone eating haagen dazs and watching moonstruck isn't the END of the world. Its actually kind of funny and it adds character to women. Get out there, fake a smile, show love, give out what you want and be patient. Everything's gonna be alright =)
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (14 June 2010):
 I think I'm kinda getting an idea of what's going on with you, but before I answer, I have a question:
Why EXACTLY did you break it off with your friend? Did she break it off with you when she met the guy, and did she cheat on you?
Also, you mentioned that it was a short fling with your best friend. Did you two get physical, and were you or she keeping the relationship a secret from people?
The answers to this have a HUGE bearing on the advice I give to you, because I think they are very relevant to your situation.
Without knowing the answers, though, I can say that your issues were in place before the fling with your best friend, and like a black light to a hotel bed, the problems that were already there were exposed with the ending of the relationship.
Let me know, if you can!
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A
female
reader, Seillean +, writes (14 June 2010):
It really is strange how as human beings we can still feel incredibly lonely even in a crowded room isn't it? I think the key thing to remember here m'dear is that most of us have had those same sorts of feelings to varying degrees. These phases usually pass over a period of time when our lives become more settled but of course sometimes it's not so easy. It sounds like you've just really had your confidence knocked but unfortunately no one can solve that but you. A relationship or even friendship should only ever add to your own happiness. No one out there can *make* you happy. It sounds very cliche but perhaps something to try is to write down all of the positives and wonderful things in your life and remind yourself of them regularly- DO NOT dwell on the negatives in life. Hope this suggestion helps hon,take care x
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