A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have gotten myself into a serious mess and can't quite get myself out of it.I started an affair with a married man 3 years ago and even though I now realise the reasons self respecting women don't do this- its taken me a long time to realise it.Long story short-3 months ago he left her for me, he was txting her for a while afterwards beggin foregiveness and wanting to go back. He doesn't know that I know this, I'm scared to bring it up as he always lies and gets defensive when caught....one time I was held up against the wall by my throat for finding a txt he'd sent to her.Anyway I've come to realise all of his lies etc have made me fall out of love with him. I've explained this to him and he's promised on many occasions to change. That he will file divorce, stop lying, cut down on txting her etc and also that he will tell him enstranged wife the truth about were he is- he currently tells her he's not with me and purposly keeps all of his belongings in a differant place to keep her happy.Last week I found enough is enough and I threw him out.he now stays in his place of work(he owns his own busness). His mother has offered to take him in but he flatly refused.he won't get a bedsit as he gives his enstranged wife 70% of his wage 'to keep her in the lifestyle she knows'and says he can't afford it.He txts and calls constantly trying to make me feel guilty for not making more of an effort with him when he was big enough to give up his life for me.On saturday I was out with friends and he was txting, as I was drunk I sent a reply to one he had asked 'how are you getting home?' My answer was 'I've left my car at ***** and a friend is going to drive me home in it'. I got left on my own that night so walked to my car on the way to catch a cab- my intention was just to check it was all locked up safe. Well when I got there he was waiting by my car and insisting on 'getting me home safe'. He ended up staying on the sofa at my place then yesterday he had assumed we were back together as he'd done me this hude favour of racing to meet me at early hours in the morning. I considered it but as I sat next to him on the sofa his enstranged wife was txting him and this just made me angry all over again.Bottom line is I know he is no good for me and I can't spend my life miserable with him. Have I got a right to cut all ties or do I have to stay and work at it?how do I make a decision one way or the other and stick to it?
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affair, divorce, drunk, married man Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 March 2012):
 Yes, dump him. You have no obligations to stay with him because you chose to have an affair with a married man. Sorry you don't OWE him anything.
Maybe next time you will stay FAR away from married men.
Hopefully his wife wises up and divorces his dumb cheating ass too.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): Zero contact... yes
Change your number, your house, your place if you have to... but do not talk to this guy.. just do not take his calls.. if he says anything .. tell him to do it himself.. do not take any responsibility watsoever..
change your number immediately... and if you cannot move to a new house .. change your locks...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): Work at what? There is no future with him. You have lost all love and respect for him, he will probably just go back to his Ex,sounds like she wants this.You owe him nothing and know your mistakes.
Stop all contact,delete numbers the lot,don't ever tell him your movements,day or night. Its the only way to deal with him. He will soon get the message.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 March 2012):
 Yes, you do have the right to cut all ties, you are not under any obligation to try and work it out. Change your numbers, block his, move if you have to, and cease all and any contact with him.
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