A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts and uncles. I am in a bit of a unique situation which is causing me a lot of stress. My ex, (let's call him M) and I broke up in March after he said he didn't really know what he wanted and he said, "this doesn't mean we can't get back together." I took the breakup incredibly hard and was upset for months. I had really clicked with this guy, every moment we spent together I was happy. I always had this feeling that we would he together again. Even in June, months after our breakup, I was still thinking of him often and missing him. We had been talking a bit as friends during the school year but once summer started we couldn't really contact because his dad took his phone away. Now, fast forward to the beginning of July. My ex had put me in a group chat with his best friend (let's call him T) while we were dating. His friend randomly started texting on the group chat, at first just making jokes and stuff. I played along cause I had a similar sense of humor as T. A couple weeks later we're still joking around on the group chat but we're starting to talk about more serious topics, and we talk about songwriting. We discovered that we had a mutual love for songwriting and we started to text outside of the group chat. Conversations switched from joking to much more serious topics because we revealed that we both have a difficult home life. T became my shoulder to cry on and I was his, and we texted all the time. I could tell he was starting to fall for me. Although I still had lingering feelings for M, I couldn't help feeling something for T too. I hadn't talked to M in a while and I figured he had forgotton about me, so I thought it would be ok if i talked to T. I had thoughts of a relationship between us but I knew it would be hard because not only is T my ex's best friend, he also lives a state away. Now, last night. I get a text from my ex, M, asking if we can talk. He calls me and right off the bat tells me he still loves me. He says he doesn't know what he wants or how to handle emotions but he still has feelings for me. He also says he doesn't know why he broke up with me and it was stupid. He said that getting back together, for us, is a possibility. We talked for about an hour, caught up, laughed together, and reminisced about old memories. I really had missed him and talking to him again sparked something in me I thought had gone. However the only bad part of the conversation was him telling me, "Don't date T." He knew we had been talking and he was ok with us being friends, but the thought of us being more made him panicky. He said he would be hurt and broken if his best friend and someone he still has feelings for were together, and I understood why. However it hurts me because I simultaneously have feelings for two guys. One I have history with and beautiful memories, and we had the best relationship I'd ever been in and I know he makes me happy. The other one is someone who helped me through the toughest time in my life who also makes me happy, even though I haven't known him that long I can tell he is a kind and gentle soul and he means a lot to me. The obvious answer is "stay single and don't date either of them" but I have pretty strong feelings towards both. I think T and I mesh well and we need each other, but my heart always pulls me back to M. This situation is so confusing please help! thank you :)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (28 July 2017):
 You could toss a coin if there is really nothing to choose between them. You could pick the one who is nearest to you. That would make dates easier to arrange. Or you could do as they did in the days of yore - set them a test and the one who wins gets you. Oh well! Just a thought.
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