A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a guy who has feelings for my girlfriend's brother. He's married and I'm about to get married to. I purposed to my gf last month. I've had feelings for him before but since him and his wife moved out, it went away. However, it's starting to come back 6 months later.We started texting eachother through snapchat and would send each other silly pictures. Things started feeling weird because when we saw each other in person he would not really talk to me. On to the point- I am writing this because they threw a party at their house and he was acting like we were best friends. He was with me all night. He kept putting his had on my lap and when we all played this card game, he sat next to me. He never does that. Right when I finally get over him he was with me all night and even sat next to me on the couch. He also kept touching my leg with his leg. We were both wearing shorts so I moved my leg away, but he would then get a little closer and brush up against my leg from time to time. It might not be obvious but to me it felt like he meant to. But when I left he didn't say bye to me. Then he didn't talk to me for 2 days but now he's starting to on snapchat but not like before.Now I'm confused again and my feelings are coming back. Now I don't know if I did something wrong. Why is he not talking to me as much? Am I over thinking this whole situation? I've been under a lot of stress because of the wedding and my doctorate program. What should I do next?
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best friend, moved out, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2015): You've suppressed them; they're not gone. You've backed-off your girlfriend's brother as you should; but gay-feelings don't go away just because you marry a woman. You'll see.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah I can say that those feelings are gone again. Thank u everyone
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 February 2015):
 If you both still WANT to experiment - then DO so before marriage.
And OP, no one can just turn off their feelings. Life doesn't work that way. You need to consider what's really up here.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for responding. I've read all of your answers and I agree for the most part. I love my girlfriend very much. We have been together for 5 years. I choose her above all things. I let this idiotic fantasy get the best of me. The answers were though but it's what I needed to hear. These feelings that came out of no where, I'm reading way too much into his actions. I have never came onto him and I do respect his marriage but not as much as I should have. My gf has told me that she wants to experiment with girls and she says she wouldn't care if I experiment with a guy. I said she can and I wouldn't care but I don't want guys. Then all of a sudden I started thinking about it more and here I am. In the end this justifies nothing so I'm gonna only talk to him when I have to and focus on more appropriate things.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 February 2015):
I will concur. YOU CANNOT marry this girl. IT IS NOT fair on her to USE her like that.
YOU may not WANT to be bisexual, but you are. YOU got SUCH a hard on for the brother that you can't see straight. Every pun intended.
Can you IMAGINE how DEVASTATED this girl will be when you marry her and still dream and fantasize about HER brother? Because you can't keep that secret. You will screw up and try and hit on the brother and HE will turn you down, because unlike you, I think he is straight.
You even proposed to her KNOWING that HE was the one you wanted. NOT COOL.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 February 2015):
 I am also in the "Immediately break it off" camp, but I will go a step further and tell you to be HONEST with her as to why.
Do not lie and tell her some sort of crap that makes it sound like you have lost interest in her. Tell her you have feelings for men and that you don't believe you can give 100% to the marriage because of them.
I've seen marriages fracture because of closeted gay activity, and I always feel badly for the unsuspecting (or maybe suspecting) spouses whose marriage was a lie from the very beginning. In your case, it's worse if you'e into her brother! That's way too destructive, as he is married! Married is married, and you need to have the self-control to respect marriage and monogamy. Gay or straight -- doesn't matter.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2015): You should break-off your engagement and cancel the wedding.
You are not in-love with your fiance, and your marriage would be a scam. The most horrible thing you could do to a person is to deceive them into believing you have feelings for them that you don't. I'm gay, so I'm advising you! I am not taking harsh judgement on you.
You are definitely over-thinking things. You read everything he says and does as some sort of come-on. You focused your gaydar on the guy all evening, over-reading every move he made into some gay-flirtation or a pass. You want him so badly you see what you want to see.
He is comfortable in his skin, and resting a hand on your thigh means nothing. Sitting next to you is being friendly and accepting you into the family. Your thighs touched; because you made sure you were always in the way! He sees you as his future brother-in-law, and thinks you love his sister.
I sit next to straight men all the time and our thighs touch, or they may rest a hand on my leg. it's only as a friendly gesture. Unless he rubs and squeezes your thigh, the touching means only that he is tactile and comfortable around you. Nothing more than that! You have a vivid imagination and you're thinking with your dick, my friend.
He is distant because he is a straight married-man, and he is comfortable in his skin; and not sexually-attracted to you. Even if he is, he is reminding you by his cold-shoulder that he has a wife; and you are his sister's fiance. He doesn't intend to cross-over to the gay-side and destroy his marriage for YOU!
Learn some boundaries, you don't go after married-men. Control your feelings, and show some respect for yourself and others. Your big lie is going to result in a costly wedding, a woman's broken-heart, and expensive legal fees to undo your deception.
You should end the engagement; because you're living a lie! You are about to destroy someone else emotionally; because you are not only lying to her; but to yourself as well.
Accept who you are, and go find available men to express your feelings to.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (10 February 2015):
 Put the brakes on your wedding plans immediately. You have not mentioned your girlfriend, or what your homosexual yearnings towards her brother would do to her. Your care level for her is ZERO!
Not good, not a good look at all, you obviously don't love her or you would not be angsting over why your future (at this point) brother in law is rubbing legs with you and not talking to you to much.
Have you considered he may have been testing the waters, to see if you intended being faithful and a good husband to his sister?
Whatever this thing between you and him is, whether its real on his part or not, your behaviour is leading you towards a shitstorm of astronomical proportions.
You need to STOP now, break off the engagement and stay the hell away from her brother.
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