A
male
age
30-35,
*ick777
writes:I’m 18 years old guy and I’m in love with another male. I don’t know how excatly it happened, but I have a feeling I cannot live without him. He’s actually much older than me, he’s 34. I didn’t fall for him right away. First I didn’t look at him in a sexual way at all. We were just friends; we were doing lots of fun stuff together – camping, fishing, playing video games, etc. I told him about my problems when I had some, he gave me advices. He always understands me. He’s the coolest person I’ve ever met. But then somehow I realized that what I feel to him is not just a friendship anymore.It’s very strange, because I’ve never been into men before, I’ve been totally straight my whole life. I think about him almost all the time. I’ve never been so in love in my whole life. And the worst thing is, he doesn’t know. I don’t have the courage to tell him. I don’t even know his attitude to this. I mean, we’ve shared many boy talks, but we’ve never talked about homosexuality. As far as I know he doesn’t have a girlfriend or a wife. He’s very much of a free thinker, but he’s also a loner a bit. We’re meeting each other often just to chat and chill together. All the time I’m fighting with desire to kiss him. I can’t even talk to him without blushing and stammering. I think he pretends not to see it, but perhaps he thinks I’m a total idiot. If I tell him, what will he think of me? What if he’s repulsed by me, what if he doesn’t want me even as a friend anymore, not even talking about something more? What should I do?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (13 December 2012):
Hi there. There's nothing quite like the direct approach here.
Do you think that he has any idea at all, that you have sexual feelings towards him?
Even though you said you stammer and blush when you talk to him, he might not even take that as being anything more than just shyness.
I really believe that you are going to have to tell him - when you are alone - exactly how you feel about him.
Perhaps you could say something like - "I really enjoy your company, and I have feelings towards you that go beyond just friendship."
And then, see what he says.
Even though he is not in a relationship at the moment, it doesn't automatically mean that he could be gay.
He could have had relationships in the past - with women, and is now simply having some time to himself, and is quite happy with the way things are.
It's going to have to come down to you being honest with him about EXACTLY how you feel, just so that things don't become very awkard between you, and you could lose him even as a friend.
You might both have completely different feelings towards your friendship, so this needs to be clarified right NOW.
Don't delay telling him for one single day longer.
The sooner you know where you stand with him, the much better off you will be - and so will he.
I would tell him when the time is right, just how you feel about him - FIRST.
What I am really saying here, is DON'T just go with the impulse to kiss him, and then you find out with him PUSHING you away, because he really isn't into men at all - in THAT way!
That would have to be incredibly humiliating for you, so you want to avoid that at all costs.
Because, the truth is, you DON'T know if he is gay or straight, so you need to find this out first, before taking any action towards showing him any affection.
And taking the direct approach by telling him how you feel, is by far the wisest way to go about it, for sure.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2012): You're learning your first lesson about falling for someone. Either he will be interested or he won't. If he's not, its better that you know early on than years down the road. I would say tell him how you feel. Its better to do this now than wait.
Just a little advice. If he's repulsed he wasn't a friend to you anyway. He would tell you politely that he's not interested and he values your friendship but don't expect anything more. He wouldn't lead you on or play with your emotions. That's what a real friend would do.
When it comes to love, you have to take a chance. Even when you get older the rules won't change. Best of luck to you.
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