A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I think i may be in love/lust with my dead best friends husband. This is not the first time something like this has happened to me. When i was 18 i was engaged to "Matt" he was killed in a car wreck 3 months before we where to get married. Afterwards his step-brother "Kevin" and i had somewhat of an affair. We never had sex but attempted to a few times and a few other physical acts where played out this went on for about 2 months. Last year my best friend "Lacy" of 15 years died unexpectedly. Shortly after i began to develop feelings for her husband. I never said anything to him because i figured the feelings would go away but they haven't and recently he expressed he has had the same feelings for me. I'm not sure how long tho. I did admit that i do have feelings for him. I'm just not sure if we should proceed. I know if we did i would lose a few friends ( honestly none that really matter) and I'm not sure of "lacey's" family would take the news. Is this even appropriate? Or am i just a death vixen? Is this even normal like a part of my healing process? Help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Who +, writes (22 December 2010):
 Apparently this is fairly common. Most of the men in the widower’s support group I was in experienced advances from their wife’s friends. The facilitator called them “sympathy [fornicates]” The Walter Matthau movie “House Calls” has this as a running gag.
Anyway I understand they are sometimes one time or short term flings and other times develop into something lasting. A few times they blow up, sometime when the family of one person or the other objects (not that it is any of their business.) I’m guessing your chances of this blowing up are about the same as if you pursue a man who is not a recent widower.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 December 2010):
 Well, to put it romanticly, your best friend's widower is 100% available, so there is no moral reason why you can't pursue things with him. It would make sense actually, but there HAS to be more than both you and her husband grieving for her and falling for each other because you miss the friend and want some part of her to stay with you both.
I think in both of these cases, this is part of your grieving process. There's no harm in dating the guy, but take it slow and make sure there's more than just the common grief shared.
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