A
male
age
36-40,
*uiltyconscience
writes:so here's the situation probably asked here a thousand times but mine is with different details. i have this close friend for more than ten years, we live and work aboard. two years ago he met this girl online and they fell in love and being his best friend he was always asking for my advice in dealing with her and miraculously it always worked. they got married a year ago and she moved to live with him and the first time i met her i liked her -as a friend- she was cute lovely funny and very smart and caring, and to mention that i'm not married not even committed to a serious relationship, so we started going out together -all three of us- every where doing all kinds of activities, and gradually i felt a strange chemistry between me and my friend's wife she starts coming up with every idea so we can meet on daily basis paying more attention to the things i like over her husband, even when we go out i notice she prefers to stay closer to me and talk to me laugh with me rather than her husband. she pays too much attention to my personal life asking if i'm looking for a girlfriend or thinking of anyone right now, she even goes further to checking my phone sms and facebook account looking for any suspicious signs. in the mean time i keep on advising her husband -without her knowing- about what i think the best gift for her birthday or where to take her or arrange for her and amazingly it always works and my friend is so happy with her. i didn't pay that too much attention in the beginning but recently things evolved and i'm feeling her very close to me, i'm starting to think of her too much to miss her and even fantasize about her.NOW i don't want to lose my friend for anything in the world and in the same time something inside me is growing rapidly toward her and i'm not sure about it, so in the very near future i assume that something will grow out of control then i don't know what i'm going to do. I know one thing that if i tell her i have feelings for her she will accept it either way or not even if she doesn't feel the same and probably will not threaten my friendship with my friend, but what next? will it ever be the same?? i need a very urgent advice as i said earlier the thing is growing out of control.
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male
reader, guiltyconscience +, writes (21 April 2011):
guiltyconscience is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you guys who took the time and the effort to help me sort this out, in fact your answers were so helpful as i was about to drop the bomb today but then i thought of what every one of you said and that made me back off a little, i think for a while. all your answers stressed the importance of getting away of these couples as much as i can but the problem is no matter how much i try to get away they will follow me, i mean he's my best friend for ten years and we're living aboard so we virtually got each others and then there's she which keeps on doing everything she can to keep me inside their circle, and she's succeeded so far, pressure is increasing on me, and i think the best solution will be to break up with them both without any warning, because losing my friend this way is way better than betraying him and losing him, and in the midst i'm going to keep all these stupid emotions to my self.
A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (9 April 2011):
 You absolutely will lose your friend if you say anything of this at all.
As you don't want to lose him, you must squash your feelings, keep away from them deliberately, be cool towards the wife, and find someone or something else to focus on. This may be a situation where you always carry a flame for her, but you must never ever tell anyone, and especially not her.
If you do tell, something will happen, you will lose your friend, and you will always regret it. You still have time and chance to make sure this ends the way you need it to - with your friendship intact. There are so many many many women out there ... don't fall for this one. She is not for you, however it may seem.
And remember: the grass is always greener on the other side. Try to fight the natural desire for something you can't really have. Even if you did have her, you would probably end up not wanting her, as you would hate yourself for having so betrayed your friend's trust and love.
Just don't do it. Trust me. Not a good idea. Stow the feelings, find someone else. Quick.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (8 April 2011):
 I'm going to call you Cyrano because your guidance is the reason this woman fell in love with your friend. Now she's realizing it was you she fell for and you're in an awkward spot. I bet if you saw that play, you'd see many similarities to your story here.Anyway, what do you do next? I think you start spending less time with them and do your best to find your own girl. The unfortunate truth is that you two may have had a chance, but the fact is she's married to your friend, and is off limits now. Confessing feelings would be bad on very many levels.Distance yourself from them. Assess what you value most here. Don't get ahead of yourself.
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