A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I hate to admit this, but I have developed feelings for a good friend's boyfriend. I dont know why, but I have, and what makes it worse is I am engaged to a lovely man, who I still really fancy. Even though I would never go there, because I couldnt hurt my friend or my partner, but I feel like I am letting them both down. The feeling is definitely not mutual-we have only spoke a few times and he was nice, but by no means flirty. When he is around, I feel my heart go faster and it makes me feel guilty. If my friend and boyfriend knew!! I could never live it down. Im really embarassed, I thought I had left these crushes behind, but apparantly not. Any advice on how to get over this infatuation before it comes between me and people I care for?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2015): Congratulations on your engagement! Jitters before the big day is very common. But taking interest in your good friend's boyfriend isn't. A round of applause for him not actively seeking your companionship, because you would have found yourself in an even lower place than you are now.From personal experience, I was unhappy with myself when I decided to engage in endeavors like you. I didn't have a job, I didn't think I was attractive, and I hated living with my parents. And no matter which way I turned or who I became involved with my life was unfulfilled. The good news is that there is hope for you. You can always build your own unhappiness, by one simple word determination.Become determine to find joy in your relationship be it a romantic or friendly one. Be determine to listen and speak about things that make you happy. Be determine to find a career that makes you smile. Be determine to find pleasure outside of guys. Lastly, be determine to let go of anything or anyone that makes you sad. My advice to you is to keep these feelings to yourself. Don't open up a can of worms that leads no where. He is not interested in you, so there is no need to involve anyone else, but yourself. Convince yourself that your feelings for him is a mistake. And try not to put yourself in this predicament again. Friends-romantic or platonic- are valuable cherish them, and learn to cherish yourself.
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