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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,I have been having a sexual relationship with my married boss on and off since January, we have always been very close and sexually compatible (we slept together briefly 2 years ago but it was purely a lust thing) but very recently things changed...the relationship has gone from great friends and great sex to a closeness neither of us has ever felt before. I am now pregnant and the chance the baby is my partners is minimal...I have fallen totally in love with my married lover and don't know what to do...he says he feels the same. Neither of us could imagine our lives without our partners but at the same time we are in love and cannot fight it any longer. I don't know what to do :( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): I am the person who asked this question and I didnt go into detail because it said to keep the question short!!! Now I really wish I had! Firstly, when we first had an affair a few years ago it lasted three days - I was single at the time and he was engaged...we realised it was wrong (yes I know too late!) but we stopped it and carried on with our lives and remained friends - NOTHING ELSE! It wasn't until this year that we grew close again by which time my partner (who i met a year ago)lived with me in MY HOUSE (for the lady who said my partner would chuck me out - I have supported my partner financially since we got together). I know it was wrong, I never posted on here to be given a moral lesson I am not a bad person!! Yes I've made a HUGE mistake but I am trying to sort it out - the criticism and people telling me I am horrid doesn't help! I need advice not judgement, I am ashamed of myself and this is totally out of character. I have also been told due to blocked fallopian tubes and only having one ovary that my chances of conceiving were 1 in 300,000!! Hence no use of condoms although in hindsight I still should have been more careful - in hindsight I would have never let this happen. The man in question? He is not a bad person and I have witnessed his tears over this situation...and we have both tried to stop it on numerous occasions. Oh and for the record? Neither of us have any children. I hope this clears a few things up, I still expect some of you to hate me, but those who do I already know, I don't need you to post it. Any genuine advice would be so gratefully appreciated, I am trying to sort this mess out I cant change the past as much as I wish I could...
A
female
reader, ready2bolt  +, writes (9 September 2008):
Wow - I feel so sorry for that baby. You have some major issues - you can't control yourself sexually, you have no integrity - cheating on your partner AND being a homewrecker at the same time - yikes! None of this sounds like love to me - you really need to get clear on that for once and for all. What you illustrate is a young woman who has so little love for herself that she hurts herself and everyone else around her with lies. And sadly, you have attracted a similar sad sack into your life with this married guy. Like attracts like - just remember that. Sorry if this sounds like a rant, but I am a married woman who dies inside every time I read about infidelity like this. Aside from all the horrific things you have caused (and the married boss too) this can be an opportunity to start over. You need to come clean - with everyone including yourself. I think you should give the married boss an ultimatum to come clean too. After all, what he has done is not only gross and immoral, but he has compromised his job and yours. If he is too much of a coward to own up to this situation then you need to cut him lose and take back your life. If he really loves you he will find a way to work things out honestly and with respect and consideration for everyone involved. After all, when you got in bed with him, you got in bed with his wife, kids, all the other love commitments he has made in his life you have now enabled him to spoil them forever. He has done the same to you. The only way out is brutal honesty.Ask for forgiveness but don't expect it will come easy from others - or at all. Be prepared to raise this child alone, but also discuss all the options with your doctor and your apparently multiple partners. Resolve to bring this child into the world with your head on straight - even if that means putting the baby up for adoption. If you resort to continual coverups and lies then no one can help you here or anywhere else. That is the truth.It's time to step up to the plate. If you can do that, I only wish you and your sweet little baby health and a kind of integrity and honest happiness unlike anything you have ever known!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2008): I understand that sometimes even when you are in a married relationship and so is the man that you fall in love. Mother nature works in strange ways. No one is to blame. To be completely honest if the married boss had a great relationship this would not have happened. Stop blaming women for everything!Best advice I can give you is tell you boss and about the pregnancy and see what his reaction is! If he does not want anything to do with the baby, find another job or if pregnancy is very obvious work there until baby born. It is mainly your decision to abort, adopt or keep the baby yourself. It all depends on how you feel. I have aborted (husbands baby) for financial reasons and regret it everyday. You will cope!!! In terms of adoption I have a friend who had her little girl adopted as she was in an abusive relationship and she regrets it. You can do it on your own if your live in partner leaves you.In terms of who the dad is it is also your decision to tell your live in partner that he might not be the father. Not ideal but 1 out of 4 second children are not biological dad (they clearly don't know) Clearly this in not ideal but could be answer if you want baby and support and the best decision for you at the moment. You can break the news later. At the moment you will have pregnancy to deal with and best thing for you and baby is no drama.Good Luck and god blessx
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (17 August 2008):
 Wow! you got yourself in deep trouble. And you are still so young. Common sense would tell you to put on a condom if you are cheating on your partner.
You need to sit down and discuss this with your married lover.
Are you both going to leave your spouse...and make it work together in raising a child?
Are you going to break up, abortion, adoption,..whatever the case make a decision and stick to it.
If I were you, I would break up your boyfriend. You don't love him and he doesn't deserve you. You say you do, but if you did, you possibly could have hurt him like that.
You are so selfish. Only thinking about your needs and not his.
this is a decison that no one can make but yourself.
list down all the options...and this time think with your head and not folllow the heart.
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A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (16 August 2008):
 Anonymous female reader.
You have critisized my opinion by saying it's too judgemental. It's kind of funny your is too. You're like the kettle calling the pot black.
Now you classify that this woman acted with her heart, but please read again what she has wrote over there. She said that she is completely in love with the married man and yet can't leave her current husband/boyfriend because she can't see her life without him. Can't you see anything wrong in this picture?
I should have mentioned she needs psychological help in here, but saying that this woman did wrong for following her heart is an overstatement. She did not follow her heart. She follow her obsession.
So anonymous questioner, go get psychological help. Realize that you have done wrong and that the only help you can get is from a proffesional. You have a problem lady and hopefully by realizing you have it, you will save a life of pain to your innocent baby.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2008): From what you wrote it sounds like both of you must have some problems with your partners to be driven close together. I have to agree that it is unfair on your unborn child to bring him or her into this situation but I would hate to think you would have an abortion. If you love each other then the best thing is to leave your partners and set up home together. If not then confess to your current partner and hope that he forgives you. Which ever you choose it will be important to ensure your new baby enters a stable environment. Good luck and hope it works out
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2008): Would just like to say to the lady who has replied that people post on this website with genuine problems and I don't think that your "opinion"was very helpful! Obviously a very judgemental person, I don't think judgement is what is required with the situation this young lady is in!!!!I think we can all appreciate that when it comes to matters of the heart, we sometimes let them overtake our heads and that is clearly what has happened in this situation. I see no point in ruining the lives of two families and that of a blameless child before it is even born!So I strongly suggest that you think long and hard about what you both want from life and take a path in damage limitation - either split with your partners and be together, or leave well alone. Only you can decide what to do over the paternity of your child...If you decide to walk away from this affair, then concentrate on rebuilding what is obviously missing from your current relationship and pray your partner is the father so as to ease the burden of guilt I am sure you probably carry.You are not a bad person!! Just foolish. Try in future to think firstly with your head, not your heart or anything else. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (16 August 2008):
Dear anonymous
What you have done is terrible. I don't care what you call, "being in love", whatever, but in everyone's book is called cheating. How can you trust a man who has cheated on his wife? Don't you think he would cheat on you later? And how DARE you say you can't live with your current partner yet say you're in love with this other married man? Please woman! Get real.
And not only that, you say that you two can't imagine your lives without your current partners YET you two are in love with each other. You are such a horrible person and what's funnier is that you don't even realize that the situation you are in is all your fault.
So if you two say you're in love with each other, why don't you just leave your partner for the married man? And why he can't do the same? Because it's all fantasy.
This is what must be the real thing. You have an obsession for this married man, who only wants you for sex. You're his piece of thing to fuck around and dispose when he has used you. He will not leave his wife, never, because he DOESN'T LOVE YOU. And you don't leave your husband because you know the married man will NEVER want anything more than a heated night with you. You depend on your partner for economic and emotional issues while this other man uses your body. You two don't love each other. You two feel nothing for each other more than lust. You two are bad people.
What you have to do is come up front with your husband and tell him the baby is not his. Be honest with him and accept the conscequences, which might be him leaving your life and/or kicking you out of the house, which is totally deserving for you. Then, you should go up to this man's wife and confess everything to her. And don't be rude to her nor feel better than her for having fucked her husband. What you are is the other woman, the woman he probably never want and used. When you tell her, show her evidence of everything and be calm and maintain your posture. She has to know what kind of a husband she got.
After all of this, leave this man alone. You had no business to do with him and now that you're in a rut, it's better to leave him alone. If you don't have anywhere else to go (because I think your partner will not want to be with you), then try to live with your family or friends for a while.
Now, I only feel sorry for this baby. He will be born from a woman who has a stupid sense of reality and has done more bad than good. Hopefully your baby will be nothing like you and will be a good, loyal, and loving husband/wife to his/her partner.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2008): You need professional help; contact your doctor and ask him to refer you to somebody; What are you going to do about the pregnancy?Did yu tell your boyfriend? Did you tell your married lover? Are you going to abort, adodpt or raise the child on your own?You NEED a professional to help you to clear all your issues with your relationships and with the pregancy; if you cannot afford it, ask the married "boss" to pay.You need to think carefully about your future and don't rush into any impulsive decision.Think about what is best for YOU and your future.
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