A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im Male 28! I've been friendly with a girl I work with for a few years. She is in her early 40's married and has children. She has recently declared her marriage is over and has been for a year unoffically. I really like her alot. I stopped dating another girl younger than me who I also work with so I could spend time with the girl that I really like. The younger girl is lovely etc but with the older one there has always been the friendship and admiration. It turns out we've found something rather special between us but both agree its probably not the most ideal situation and isnt the exactly most practical situation. The younger girl really likes me and misses being with me and doesnt yet know about the other girl. We all kinda work toghether and there are children involved and a kinda pissed off husband. I guess You cant help who you fall for or where you find something special. Can anyone advise me on how to proceed please please please!!
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (2 October 2007):
 I hear you r points but I'd bet there was something going on before the marriage broke up. Even if it was friendly flirting, it was "something". Enough of those somethings eventually turn in to the straw that broke the camels back. Just hope you never have to wear his shoes if she tires of you. Life is strange.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses.
Tellulah, you are right i'm going to have to tell the younger girl the truth but i know its going to hurt plus we all work in the same place etc, (crap, crap, crap!)
Eddie. i've met other gils and there has been nothing special ... so yeah off the hook i guess!?? What made me think it was appropriate to be with another mans wife? Hmmmm...Like i said before. I was one of the few people to know that the marriage was over unoffically for a year. The husband is fully aware of all the goings on. He is aware that there was nothing but friendship prior to the offical marriage break up. Between them they balance times and dates so the children (3 and 4) don't know that mummy is out etc. Between them they put the children first and this might sound either a bit warped, stupid, maybe thoughtful i dont know. I've been assured there is no disruption to family life. the husband is jealous and hates me because i guess i've made her very happy and he hasnt found anyone yet (he is looking). I guess i just dont know where things will go... probably very very badly. Nobody at work knows yet! SHIT!!!!
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A
female
reader, rockelle  +, writes (1 October 2007):
 I agree with Eddie...
This is a women that has a family, and families come with tons of responsibilities. I hope for her sake that you can handle it.
One more question.
Why would you want to be with a women who is willing to give up her childrens stable family life to have a romance with her co-worker?
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (1 October 2007):
 Hi,
Your right you cant help who you fall in love with but how you handle it is of the utmost importance. Honesty to both hurt parties should be the most important thing, its also the hardest. You dont have to be blunt to them and let them know every detail, but you do need to let your ex partyners know its over and neither of you are going back. Trying to soften the blow, and telling lies will only make things worse.
In my opinion, its better to have the truth, than be humiliated in the future, when you are on the mend.
Another thing to consider is the work situation. Being with your partner day and night can be a struggle.
Its not going to be easy, but then you think you know all of this when you start.
But I can tell you from first hand experience, it can get pretty awfull. But if you love each other that much, well!! time will tell.
XX
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (1 October 2007):
I can understand your feelings but the final paragraph is the part where you let yourself off the hook for bad behaviour....."I guess you can't help who you fall i love with or where you find something special". Perhaps that true but you can decide if it's appropriate to act on those feelings.
People have feelings all the time and choose not to act on them because they've already got other commitments or because it's just not ethical.
The damage is already done. If her marriage wasn't over before, it could be now. It sounds like you're in for a rough ride and your older girlfriend might have been having a mid life crisis. It's just a guess on my part but quite possible. Only time will tell. If you really want to be with her and her marriage is "really" over, go ahead. I can't understand why her husband is pissed off though. Unless, while you guys were cheating, she forgot to tell him the marriage was over. I'd be pissed off too. I have a question for you. It's very simple. What made you think it was appropriate to be with another man's wife? Can you answer that?
eddie
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