A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, Here is my story. I just recently broke up with my ex of 2 years. He mistreated me so I started to talk to this other guy at work. This other man just had a kid, maybe not even 2 months ago. When we first started talking he had told me that he was not with his previous girlfriend while we were hanging out. unfortunately he had lied about that and it all came out when she found out we were hanging out with one another. At that point I didn't want nothing to do with him. I went to work later that night and he shows up. he tells me that he’s sorry and doesn't want anything to do with this other women anymore, and had made that clear to her. He said "I just recently had a kid with her and I am sacrificing alot because I am falling hard for you." He than asked me if I would be with him and we’ve been dating for a month now. Here is the thing, My ex boyfriend still loves me and we haven’t been able to completely stop communicating. I Have not been unfaithful to this other guy. I just know that my ex boyfriend will always be there for me. My ex would never cheat, lie, or steal he is an all around great guy, He just got really bad into drugs and alcohol and started to care only about himself. I got really hurt and that’s why I left him. The new guy and I are falling hard for one another, its just that I have really bad trust issues with him because I found out he has cheated and done some terrible things to his ex in the past. I have a feeling that he is going to eventually hurt me but on the other hand his parents tell me that im different because they can see that he’s truly falling in love with me and that they never seen there son treat a girl like the way he treats me. He hasn’t done anything to hurt me, but im starting to doubt this relationship. I’m not going to lie I still think of my ex and I guess he cleared up his drinking and drugging problem. What I want to know is Who should I be with? I have equal feelings for the both of them at this point. Should I give the new guy a chance? Or were my ex and I meant to be?
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female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (7 July 2008):
 Your emotions are running very high at the minute and to be honest yu do have every right to feel the way you do about both your ex and your new partner.
I think you should give your new partner the benefit of the doubt that he truely has sincerely changed for you. Not because of anything his parents have said or done, but just because you have given him that opportunity. If he hasn't done anything and if he seems adimit you should give him a chance. Talk to him and keep things open with how you are feeling. Allow him the opportunity to show he has changed.
Its only natural for you to feel the way you do about him because you spent a very great deal of time trying to care for him and worrying about him. This must have taken a good deal of your time, but you did leave him for a reason. I am not saying he could never change, I am sure he can and may very will in the future, but you have to move on from him being your lover. If you still keep this feeling you will not enjoy the fruits of your current relationship and will be forever comparing the two which is a huge mistake because and no one is perfect.
If this persists then you also can take this as a sign you may be best not having a partner at all right now and just spend some time away from both of them to have some time to reflect on your situation. Tell them both how you are feeling and how emotionally distraught you are and need some time alone to get your head cleared. They both, even though a bit hurt, should understand and respect that decision. Only then could you really know who it is you want to be with.
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