A
female
age
51-59,
*razybusymom
writes:I have read alot of the posts re: marriage and porn, and i am one of those wives who has dealt with the lies, dishonesty etc for the last five years....we are 80% of the time really good together (day to day stuff parenthood etc)...my questions are how do I get beyond the residual stuff? i want to reconnect sexually, but he has ruined my sexual self esteem and i just can not get it back....i look at myself and all i see is the 38 year old mother of five body, nothing compared to the siliconed teeny boppers he continually chose over me..... i just can not feel comfortable naked or in a sexy outfit any more, i am so uncomfortable, how do i seduce him when i feel so unattractive? Not to mention sexual positions that i used to love doing with him, now i just feel inadiquate and i find myself in the middle of sex just wanting to cover myself and get away from his eyes....... I am 5 foot 10, weigh 145, so i am not to bad off but five pregnancies and nursing do leave there mark! I would really appreciate any help or advice. Thanks.
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female
reader, crazybusymom +, writes (10 December 2008):
crazybusymom is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was married for 10 years previously, to a man who was very emotionally and physically abusive, i was never pretty enough or sexy enough, fantasy was better than reality to him and he never let me forget it.... I got my oldest child and myself out. i stayed single for a number of years, and really did not NEED a man, i proved that. when i met my current husband i was very open and honest about what i could and could not tolerate in our relationship. I told him that i could not tolerate lies regarding porn sexuality etc. so yes there is lots to my story. i know in my analitical mind that he chose to hide these things to protect me, but it did just the opposite. it tore us apart, and he did it repeatedly......he tapped in to many "old records". Now we have no intimate or sex life, we are so far apart and i feel i have no way to repair it.....
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (10 December 2008):
 In reading your post, I suspect there is more to the story. You are apparently reasonably slim and attractive at still a young age. Please imagine another 10 or 20 years from now. Can you reconcile with the changes that will occur as the years go by? We all must accept that our "teeny bopper" bodies are long gone at some point in life - certainly after you bear five children. But your post hints at underlying and disturbing problems unrevealed. For instance, what do you mean about "teeny boppers he continually chose over me?" I'm not at all the best contributor here about relationship issues, but your post caught my attention because every woman is a beauty, and should never lose her "sexual self esteem." Yes, years and the bearing of children take a toll, but such is life. What is going on between you and your husband that makes you feel so uncomfortable with your womanhood and sexuality?
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