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male
age
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anonymous
writes: How common is erectile dysfunction over 40? I, m having ED since 43,and now,Im 47.. My doctor did not find anything wrong with me medically. He just says,it is aging. I CAN'T ACCEPT THAT.I really don't want to complain, but it is such a bad situation. My wife is still with me, but she is really wondering what went wrong with me/ ? I lose my erection almost every time we have sex, and she is getting pretty upset. I understand ,as she does not know, why do I HAVE THIS PROBLEM... Not a surprise. So what is going on , are there many of you out there, who does not know, why is this happening to me/ ? Or am I alone here? Please help me out !
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2011): I have little to say about pornography's influence on this but I will say age changes things a bit. I am involved with an older man (52) and I am 50 and yes, ED can be an issue starting early, but it does not mean the end of sexuality. You have to adapt... and adaptation is not all bad. My lover was used to rock-hard erections, and the ability to go at it all night -in and out- hard.
He lamented those days were in the past, but we discussed the fact that while he cannot do the battering ram scene he is still very sexual. Once he got over thinking I was disappointed we've actually gotten wilder withstanding the ED issues that come up sometimes. And we noted our compatibility withstanding the change.
Replacing constant really hard hard-ons is more foreplay, relaxation and sensuality within the mind. You say that you are married, that is a good thing once you two take steps toward a new and renewed sexuality. You can become less inhibited when you get older and dirty talk can be more arousing as more titillation can get you going where just a thought of sex was enough before.
Enjoy more oral sex if that is your thing (or it can become more of your thing - smile). I've noted that older men require more stimulus (manually or oral) to get and retain an erection. We use sexual positions that make the most of his erections and we spend more time caressing and touching. Eroticism is found in teasing, kissing, massaging and tasting each other. We've become more like eager teens in a way as when we feel the groove of sex coming on we drop everything and DO IT! LOL!
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reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 The more stress you get the worst.. I see you got a lot of wonderful advice.. Its normal, happens to everybody. We're all unique & its only matter of time that we're all going to be in the same boat.
Your doctor said that medically ur fine, so that's great news... Relax, enjoy life, don't stress, force urself, put urself down, be angry, have negative thougths. It'll only drain u more.. Physically & mentally.
Ur very young man, early 40's. Exercise, eat well, do romantic things w/ur partner, set the mood, take ur time, be gentle, also check w/ur doctor w/some supplements that can help
Be happy, romantic, gentle, make sweet love...try new fun things together..
Making love is dif when ur in ur teenager years, 20's, 30's, 40's.
Its time to learn balance..
Don't freak out! :-)
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reader, Miamine  +, writes (7 February 2010):
 That porn stuff is rubbish, there is no credible science to back up what ms anonymous is saying. She's using an illogical argument, that can be used to demonize anything that give us humans pleasure. What she is saying is not accepted by either the scientific or medical community within Europe.
Any back to helping you with your serious problem. Everything that the aunts and uncles have discussed have to be looked into. Diet, exercises, stress, depression.. pornography can actually help, maybe to see if you can still feel desire.
Go back to your GP, 40 odd is much to young to be suffering like this. Take down some of the advice that Troubletoomuch has given you, say you investigated it on the internet. Also try to do some self help, change your lifestyle and get healthy and fit.
Anxiety!!!!! This is something that will sabotage you. Everything could be working, but because you've had some problems, your mind might be overruling your body and making you think that you still suffer from ED. Performance anxiety is enough to kill desire and make your penis refuse to cooperate. To deal with this, and the real mental torment you must be feeling, please ask your doctor for a referral to a counsellor. Tell him your marriage is in trouble and your loosing your confidence as well as your "manhood". The counsellor should be able to show you some good techniques to help you if your anxiety is the problem.
Good luck. Take all the advice given, show it to your wife, and together work on improving your sex life and your marriage.
PS: Do not pull away from her sexually. There are other things you can do.. Penetration is not all. Keeping an intimate sex life will reassure her she is wanted and loved.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): OP, did the doctor check your DHT level? I have read where men have good total and free T levels, but aren't converting it to DHT. DHT is essential for libido. For Quest Diagnostic labs, the normal range is 25 to 75, but you have to be in the upper end of that range, or even a little above, to have good libido. DHT is a more powerful form of T.
Did you get the results of all the tests or did the doctor just say that everything was fine? Get the results of your tests, including the lab ranges and see if you are at the ends of the various ranges.
Do you take any prescription drugs. Some blood pressure drugs and anti-depressants can cause loss of libido in both men and women. Drugs for BPH (enlarged prostate) like Proscar lower DHT and kill libido.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): I don't believe that porn causes ED, but I do believe that porn addiction will cause a man to not be interested in normal sex with a partner. I'd bet that a man addicted to porn still has erections while watching porn and is able to masturbate and ejaculate. If that is the case, then he does not have ED. It might seem like it to his partner, who only sees his inability to have an erection with her as a sign of ED. However, in that situation, it is only a sign of misguided sexual preference.
Now I always preferred sex with a partner to watching porn and only used porn and masturbation to supplement normal sex or when I didn't have someone to have sex with. My wife and I have also watched porn together as part of sex.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): There is a lot of good advice given here, but I want to respond to troubledtomuch, porn addiction is very real and it does cause ED. I too have been with a man that had this problem and I studied it deeply. The key word is ADDICTED.
Many people use porn through out their lifetime without getting ED, but for those poor souls that get addicted, it wreaks havoc in their lives!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): Thanks for the answers everybody!
Once again, I do have night erections, and my health is perfect.
My hormone level is good. But I don't feel like having sex too much, and lost the enjoyment. And my erection is very weak. Or none existent .So the real big problem we have here ,that I don't know why is this , and it is very hard for my wife not to know... So ,I still wonder what else can go wrong. Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): Good advice, dearkelja. A lot of men are too embarrassed to see a doctor about the problem of ED. I guess it makes them feel less manly. I realize that isn't the OP's problem. Treating yourself can be dangerous, especially if the root cause of the ED is diabetes or cardiovascular disease. Viagra bought from India might work, but if a man is just masking the real problem he could be asking for serious health problems. Also, if he is on certain medications, Viagra and the rest could lower blood pressure to the point of death. That warning is not on the Viagra copies from India.
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reader, dearkelja +, writes (1 February 2010):
 The ex had some physical damage that occurred at birth to his vas defrins (sp???) that restricted flow. He has low testosterone as troubled too much mentioned. Unfortunately, he refused to go to a doc and has ordered his Viagra through a website. Not a good idea for anyone because you really should have your blood pressure monitored while on Viagra.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): LonelyTwo made a good point about nighttime or morning erections and is correct that if you do you do not have ED. However, there are men on a couple of men's health boards that I are on that have no ED, but have no libido. That is often a hormone problem, either high estradiol or low DHT, that causes loss of libido and loss of libido can cause you to lose an erection because of insufficient excitement. When I had low libido, I still wanted sex because I knew that my wife and I enjoyed it. However, I did not have that primal desire for sex.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): First of all, forget the anti-porn horsecrap. I have watched porn for over 40 years and I never had any ED until 2 years ago at the age of 62. Porn does not cause ED. Masturbation also does not cause ED, although frequent masturbation can result in some desensitizing of the penis and make it harder to orgasm with normal sex. As a matter of fact, here is an article that lists studies that have shown that porn can actually cause improvement in a mans hormone levels and be beneficial to sexual performance.
http://www.newsweek.com/id/198512
A quote from it: "It's unlikely that the porn industry will begin a marketing campaign touting the hormone-replacement benefits of their products, though there is some chance that doctors could start recommending regular porn to their testosterone-challenged patients."
High blood pressure and diabetes are two of the main causes of ED. The nerves and blood vessels to the penis are small and very sensitive to damage or blockage. What is your cholesterol and blood sugar? What are your mineral levels, like zinc, potassium and copper? Did he test your total and free testosterone, estradiol, dihydrotestosterone (DHT) and DHEA-S levels? Did he test your thyroid hormones? Hormones are key to sexual function. His assertion that it is just aging is pure BS. You should not be having this problem at the age of 43. Hell, you should not be having this problem at the age of 63. You need a doctor who knows what he is talking about.
Men who smoke have a much higher incidence of ED than those who don't. It causes restriction of the arteries and blood flow to the penis. Light drinking is beneficial to the heart, but more than 2 drinks a day is detrimental.
Viagra and the other ED drugs can help you get and keep an erection, but hormones are much more important than that. Low testosterone and high estradiol are becoming more prevalent in men. There are theories of why that is. Some theories are that there is too much estrogen in the environment these days from hormone use in meat animals (beef, chicken, etc) and hormone use in other products. If he did not check your hormones then find a doctor who will and one who knows what he is talking about. For instance, I had depression, mild ED, loss of libido and loss of strength starting just over 2 to 3 years ago. I researched it and found those are all signs of low T. I asked my doctor and he agreed and had me tested. My total T was 304. The lab normal range was 250 to 1100, but my doctor said that a man my age should be at least 500 to feel good. The lab range is developed for men between 18 and 90 years of age, but there are no values for different age groups. It is up to the doctor to know what he is talking about. At your age, you should be at least 600 to feel well and perform well sexually. You don't say what country you live in, so the units of measure will be different if you are not in the USA. Here the units for testosterone are ng/dl. Also, different labs have different ranges depending on the analysis methodology.
The same is true for estradiol (E2). The normal range might be 13 to 56, but a man will normally feel best if his E2 is 20 to 30 or 35. A level as high as 56 will cause some of the same problems as low T. It is estimated that as much as 30% of men over the age of 50 have low T and there are even men in their 20s with this problem.
I am now taking prescription testosterone and are doing much better. ED is rare. Strength is back up to where it was 5 years ago. Depression is gone, except for rare days. Libido is again back. My wife jokingly tells me that she is going to hide my T. She is afraid that I will be ready 3 times a day like I was in my 30s if I get any better.
The other thing is anxiety. Once you have trouble having an erection then it worries you and that anxiety can cause you to not be able to keep one.
Here are some sites about low T in men:
http://men.webmd.com/news/20070912/low-testosterone-symptoms-rare
http://www.medicinenet.com/low_testosterone/article.htm
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/ActiveAging/story?id=3247773&page=1
http://www.thehiddendisease.com/
Just Google "low testosterone" for more than you could ever possibly read. If you can rule out a hormone problem and can find no other reason then Viagra, Levitra or Cialis might be the answer.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): , dearkelja!
What was causing your husband ED? Did you find out ,if he had any medical cause? Because my wife is mad at me , cause she does know why am I this situation. It is very frustrating for her!
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reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (1 February 2010):
 Do you have high blood pressure? Are you taking any type of medicine? Do you still find your wife attractive? Are yo stressed out, worrying about money; dealing with other emotional problems/depression? If none of these apply, talk to your physician. I think it is uncommon at this age, if none of the above apply to you.
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reader, dearkelja +, writes (31 January 2010):
You are not alone. My ex had this problem very early on. Instead of having a healthy discussion of "our" problem he dealt with it by pushing me away. We didn't have sex for at first weeks, then months and finally years. It was a constant battle of intimacy, or lack of it. I asked him to see a doctor to see if there was help he could get and he said "I'm not going to take any of those pills and I'm not about to discuss our problem with some doctor."
In our case, the sex issue became an intimacy issue with both of us withdrawing from the marriage and from each other. He had no issue getting help with his poor golf swing and that was the final straw for me. Because as the one woman wrote to you we (women) do feel like we are unattractive and we do feel unloved. We feel responsible.
This issue took my self esteem (and probably his) to a low point and I eventually asked for a divorce. I think he figured he could have a platonic marriage but to me, that was not a marriage for me.
Today he is engaged to be married and he is on Viagra. Had we had a mature discussion with both of us doing what we could do about "our" problem, our marriage would have been saved. But I believe things worked out for the best. We both have a healthier and happier outlook on life.
Please don't feel like the lone ranger on this issue. You are not alone. But you ARE out here looking for answers so I project that you will do just fine.
Take care!
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reader, Angzw  +, writes (31 January 2010):
Also try rule out a few things: do you drink or smoke? Weed? Are you overweight (waist more than 35 inches)? Too much red meat/ cholesterol/ hydrogenated fats/ Take out? How is your blood pressure and blood sugar? If you are perfect in all the above then it might be a transient problem and Viagra might help get you over this bump. I have a boyfriend way older than you but because of his athletic fitness and mostly seafood diet (note; its not 'see' food), he wears me out. But my ex who was a drinker and smoker often needed Viagra to function. So have a critical look at your total lifestyle.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2010): Whatever is good for the heart, is good for the penis!
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reader, ~Maureen +, writes (31 January 2010):
Hi,Sorry to hear about your problem. My first instinct is to tell you to stop using PORN. Do you?Sorry if I'm assuming unfairly...but if you are, porn is the number 1 destroyer of a man's function. When a man watches porn and ummm...you know...it allows a flood of endorphins into the pleasure center of the brain. Unfortunately endorphins are addicting...and one can't be without them as they are crucial to body function so you can't "quit" the actions of endorphins. Everyone has endorphins. In order to overcome the saturation level, one must do worse and worse porn images to get the same high...and more times too. It is a vicious master, lust.Porn is a visual trick with very young girls performing or plastic surgically enhanced women. These girls are frequently addicted to drugs, are sex slaves and basically forced in whatever nature. They commit suicide at great rates when the drugs or their owners don't off them first. On top of that, special lighting is used and computer tricks...the men don't stay rock hard and they use viagra on top of it...they enhance everything after it is shot...and the women aren't really coming-they fake it for they hate men.So, not only are porn viewers partaking in the ruination of these girls, they ruin their own ability to perform in the process. Once the body is used to that high level of stimulation, regular sex ceases to do it for you.I should know, as my husband was caught. He was terribly upset that he couldn't perform and I felt horrible and blamed myself. I thought he didn't love me and I assumed he didn't find me attractive. Luckily for him, I didn't go out and find someone else. I love him and stuck through it. I investigated his computer in front of him and found it. He admitted all. He said it was such a huge relief...months and months later. He felt terrible about getting caught up in all and that it didn't reflect a lack of love for me...but an addiction. Can't say I haven't been deeply injured and our marriage as well...but it is healing. He even outed himself to the teen kids in anger at himself and me for finding out.So, he really came clean. I respect him for getting out of it. And I learned that even the best fall down sometimes, like the song.Occasionally, he still psychs himself out and it happens because he worries about it too much. The only remedy is for him to focus all his love on me and relax. I ignore it when it becomes a problem and act like I don't notice and it gives him time to "recover".If you are guilt of getting caught in the porn trap, tell your wife and allow her to know it isn't her, it's you. There are groups out there for dealing with porn addiction...online and private. Go cold turkey. My husband did and I know for sure. You can do it too.If you don't do porn...let me know and we can go from there. I seem to have made myself the expert only because I already had the misfortune of looking into all of this.~Maureen
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reader, Gridrebel +, writes (31 January 2010):
 E.D. seemse to be a fairly common problem. I believe it has been more exposed in recent years due to more openess about sexuality issues. It would be wise to discuss the issue with your wife so she isn't wondering about your feelings for her. There are several avenues you could take. The easiest would be to take Cialis or some type of prescribed and medically approved medication. You could also enlist the assistance of a sex therapist wherein you could learn and practice some techniques that might help. You could also have a penile pump implant. There are all kinds of homeopathic suggestions such as eating more raw garlic etc. Do not feel poorly because of this issue. It can be helped and is not abnormal.
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reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (31 January 2010):
40% of men have troubles. There is lots of help out there.
Try this website:
http://www.40over40.com/
Good Luck!! xx
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