A
female
age
41-50,
*aren143
writes:Dear Cupid,I am 26 years old and for the first time in my life I have hit rock bottom. I use to be a caring, and honest person but for the last year I don't even know who I am. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and 3 months. We had a long distance relationship and I can count on my hand the number of times we saw each other in the last 3 years. I was okay with this because I had a long distance relationship prior and was I guess use to it. Anyway, our chats turned into a relationship which went great. After two years marriage starting coming up so we could be together, my parent's would never agree to me moving in with or around him without being married. I was up for the wedding but never gave him a solid date. On top of everything his mom was diagnosed with Cancer and still I gave that poor woman zero hope. I visited her a few times and said we will get married don't worry but our parents never even talked about dates etc. I wanted to marry him but I didn't want to get married right away I was a bad person and never got married before she died :( We started talking less, and less and more arguments of how I was taking his love for granted we would fight and make up. On top of everything I started talking to another guy to fill in the gaps him and I were having. This is something I would never do I ran from my problems and into the arms of another. So many lies… lies I don’t even know who I am anymore.He is an awesome human being for putting up with my shit for that long. Then the inevitable happened his mom had a week to live and I never went to the hospital :( I was scared for some f'd up reason she would want us to get married right away or something. I was a coward and selfish I can't believe when the one person in the world needed me I NEVER WENT. I called him and asked him for funeral info but instead he said he was at peace and the people who care for him are now with him. Then he said he was done with US and every nice think I ever done is irrelevant because if you can not show up at the time of need how can I be by his side in the good times. I was so hurt when he said this but I know i deserve it. He is my best friend why, did I let him down so bad? Why was I not grasping the brevity of the situation? Why I didn't even go to the ceremony because he said he did not want to deal with me on that day. He said while he cried "please let me say goodbye to my mom." I have hurt him so much and now I want to see him and tell him face to face I am sorry. If he takes me back my life will be changed for the good forever but the fact he doesn’t reply to my emails/text/calls and has blocked me on msn and Facebook show he is DONE!! I don’t blame but I need him back ? Even my so called best friend thinks I am an unkind human being because I have let her down too and how much of a coward I was. So my crazy life sits like this at the moment. Bf dumped me and is ignoring me I want to see him before he takes his mom’s ashes to her final resting place outside the country. Best friend wants nothing to do with me. When him and I started talking again I got let go from my job (he thought it was great I could find a job in his area). I think God was setting me up for what was to come I don’t know how I would be able to handle my self constructed storm had I been working. I guess I am writing to say what should I do???????? It has been 6 days since he dumped me I miss him soo much his nerdy ways, good heart EVERYTHING. Why couldn’t I have just gone why didn’t I realize a good thing when I had it. I finally found my better half and now its gone. Life w/o my soul mate I don’t think I can go on anymore… What’s happened CUPID? I use to be motivated, honest, and reliable and now the rug underneath me is being pulled right from under me. I could have avoided this!! PLEASE HELP!!!! What is my next move? Show up there look him in the eye and beg for forgiveness, what????????Someone please help!!!:( TRULY DEVASTATEDIF I COULD TURN BACK TIME....
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2008): You are way too hard on yourself! Yes when your bf's mom passes and you can go you really should BUT at the same time, he should be more understanding. I would give the boy sometime to reflect on things. He is probably dealing with the death and so the emotions are all muddled up and all this may not be your cause. Marriage is a serious commitment and one should not do it under pressure from anyone. On top of this, I was in a long distance relationship for a while and when we started living together.. it was so difficult to get used to each other. Be sure to spend more time face to face before you commit to anyone. Long distance just isn´t reality because you tend to not see the fuller picture.I am sorry you are hurting but just hang in there. You have apologised and now all you can do it wait for the message to sink in. I hope he comes to his senses.. you sound like a lovely person and please don't be so harsh on yourself. We are all human and NO-ONE is perfect....NO-ONE!!!
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (4 September 2008):
Oh flipping heck. It's not like you killed someone.
You felt pressured in to marriage - but like you say, your mum wasn't really asking you to get married. She never brought it up. I honestly don't feel like she would have wanted to see you marry a guy that wasn't right for you, that you never saw, JUST so she could see you do it while she was alive.
As for his mum, well you have this whole marriage thing in your head, and to be honest I think seeing another dying mother would have been too traumatic for you so close to the death of your own.
Forget the whole marriage thing. It was all in your mind and really that was the only mistake you made.
As for him, well yes he may feel let down by you not going with him to the hospital, but if you explain how scared you were then there might be hope.
Write him a long letter explaining everything. He can't delete a letter. Even if he throws it in the bin, he'll probably end up fishing it out later on.
If he can get over this then perhaps you have a chance but if he can't then you just have to move on.
As you say you only saw him a number of times.
Get away from the computer and go outside. Go and hang out with real people. Go and get a new job that you love and concentrate on that. Go and see your dad! He could do with the company and could help you to stop feeling so bad about everything if you spoke to him about it.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (4 September 2008):
 Oh sweetheart
Your not a nasty bad person, You just got very confused...This is a long distance relationship hunny you can only make certain plans together mostly over the phone or on the computor and then the odd chance you get to see your boyfriend all is not good for him with his sad news (sorry to here of his mums death love) Its been a heartbreaking time for both of you but with you being so far away its hard in itself. You were scared you were not sure about things in your head and you did not at this point in your partners life want to be pressured into marriage. Thats not wrong its you thinking now is not the right time, If you could have gone down there without worrying of that pressure to be by her side you would have gone..Its very hard to promise a person something and feel you are just doing so to make there last few days happy..You have to do it because you want to, you feel its 100% what you want..When your worried and concerned you canot think straight. Your boyfriend has been through a terrible loss love and the arguements you were having probably were due to his being upset and also your frustration, Him as he didnt quite no how to deal with things understandably and you also. Dont feel like your a bad person because you were not sure what to do, Everyone at some point has said "IF ONLY I COULD TURN BACK TIME" But sweetheart if we all new the outcome of everything then we would never learn about ourselves, You did not mean to hurt anyone you did not go out of your way to be unkind..You could go down to were he lives and see him face to face and explain how you feel and hopefully he will speak with you love, With a few prayers and some good luck he will talk with you and will let you comfort him, So many things must be on his mind and when someone close to us passes sometimes we do get angry with those close because we are hurt uoset and angry anyway..Go even if it nothing comes of it at least you have tryed love. I wish you lots of love and prayers hunny and hope things work out for you its never to late to try TAKE CARE WITH LOVE AND HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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