A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years. In getting to know each other we became good friends. When he gets upset he tends to tell me the only thing I know better than him is my job and religion. He knows everything and what I say has no value. When he is uptight about something I always seem to do the wrong thing such as interupt him while he is watching TV, talking to much about my job, picking something up the wrong way, insulting my driving skills, etc... If he is up tight I do no right. The other side of that is, he does the exact same thing and his come back is, now you know how I feel, however he gets rude. He always talks about his family in a negative way, almost as if he is very angered when he mentions them. Everybody else is always wrong and he is right. I like to spend time with my family and friends and he is getting to the point where he wants us to spend all, our time together. On 2 recent occasions he insulted me in front of friends and family. They were suprised by his actions and shared with me that they felt my boyfriend wants me all to himself and to watch out because he is trying to control me. They also advised me, not to change who I am for him. When my boyfriend gets really angry he won't call or talk to me for about a week. When he does talk rarely would he admit things are his fault. I love this man very much, and the good outweighs the bad. I have concerns whether he is now trying to control me, what I do, and who I see. Trying to make a long story short, are these traits of a controlling person? I have no problem telling him what I feel, but he would just tell me things are not the way I see them. I have a lot of patience and has stayed in the relationship thus far...is it time to walk away? How would you handle this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, riches  +, writes (3 January 2009):
3 years is a long time for a relationship with someone, you obviously care about him a lot. It's only natural for your friends and family to try to warn and protect you from what they might see as a threat. Try talking to him, if he tries saying 'you are wrong' or that 'your seeing it the wrong way', then either get him to explain until you understand what he means by his ways, or explain to him that's the way you see it, and unless he changes his behaviour especially with insulting or embarrassing you in front of people, (that's just disrespectful)that you will have to break it off, he will either realise that your being serious about how you feel and how you are unhappy, or he will act like he's right no matter what or might even stop talking to you or leave for a while, if he does, do not be the first person to talk! you haven't done anything wrong! he will soon realise what he's missing, and will try to change or leave, if he does break it off and leave then your better off without him, i no this can sound scary but that's just life. 'if you love something let it go, and if it comes back then that's how you know' take this into mind, stand up for yourself, he has to be willing to change as you can't be expected to carry on in a relationship with a partner who is controlling and makes you unhappy. He needs to understand how you feel, its a problem that you have to over come together, you never know, he actually might have a reason for acting this way, insecurity maybe? or maybe he feels your not paying enough attention to him, or he feels he's boring you and that your loosing interest in him after being together for such a long time, but he should trust you. You could try a date night every friday or saturday night is your date night, just the two of you no interuptions, that way he knows you still enjoy spending time with him and that your just as smitten by him as the day you met. Just remember to stay calm with him, even if he raises his voice if you confront him, things will get better soon,
best of luck =] xoxo
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009): I was with a man like this once. It was so wearing. He was unreasonable, controlling, always right, manipulative. We would fall out and the only way we could move on was if I accepted that everything was my fault. He used to say the words blame and fault to me all the time. He moved out once beacause he didnt like something I said. Then if I ever tried to call he would constantly hang up on me and Id receive about 50 nasty text messages telling me how I needed to change. He fell out with all my friends and my sister and everyone thought he was controlling. Its a personality disorder I think. Men like this rarely change. You can never win, you need a relationship, not a battle. You deserve better. xx
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