A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have bizarre sexual fantasies that disgust me. I am very attracted to ideas of being harshly dominated by men or animals. I imagine working as a prostitute or being raped among other things. These ideas horrify me. I even allowed myself to play into one of these fantasies once. I was out partying one night and I suddenly felt that I wasn't part of the people there; that they didn't accept or want me. So I broke off from the group without saying a word and started to make my way back home. But I didn't go home. I stopped on a street corner...I pulled down my shirt and stuck out my chest. An older, disgusting man that I would normally ignore came up to me and started speaking. He asked me what I was doing. I said..."I'm working" I took his money and went down with him to the beach. Afterwards, I was so digusted with myself. I felt dirty just entering the house where my family slept. They are so good and pure, and I am so dark. I once broke down and told a close friend some of what I had done. She said it was good for me. That if I had such a strong desire I should explore it. I believe in exploring our desires too, but there is a limit. I think she was wrong in my case. I don't want to explore these dark thoughts, I want to get rid of them! I'm still tortured by the memory of that night and others. Exploring this desire did not bring me to terms with it, it made things worse. I don't understand myself and am at a complete loss for what to do. Why do I have these negative sexual fantasies??? How do I stop them and even if that's possible, how can I or anyone close to me live with what I've already done?
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male
reader, marre69  +, writes (29 December 2008):
It's not the first time I hear exactly the same fantasy as the one you describe and from completely normal women. There's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of or disgusted by. Most of these women had a kink for bondage, BDSM, prostitution and rape sex and there's nothing wrong about that as long as it's done controlled, hence that you and your partner knows when to stop! To sell yourself was probably going too far the first time. However what you have done now is actually beginning exploring that side of yourself and you probably would do so sooner or later anyway. Instead of giving you morals I can only say, enjoy yourself. Accepting your fetishes can lift your sex life to a higher level and there's nothing wrong with that. And yes, I believe your friend is right saying what she said. The reason that you feel bad about it is most likely a moral issue originating from religion, the way you're brought up and the enviroment around you. And trust me. If you have a partner that loves you he will live with you after this and anything else you do.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): It really is a fine line between a good man and mad one.
Fantasies, in and of themselves, are not deranged or bad. Its all in how we choose to react to them.
Violent and destructive fantasies can be easily and safely explored in various ways that don't actually require you to hurt anyone.
Why do you think horror films and torture porn are so popular these days. It's because they allow us to tap into a part of ourselves we don't allow nearly enough time to surface.
The fear. The anger. The hate.
Those dark and needed emotions that kick in in times of distress where strength and fury are what will get you out of harms way.
And in the mind or the cinema these things can be let fully loose in all their disgusting glory and not harm anyone.
It's when someone decides that it is a good idea to enact these things in reality that it becomes an issue at all.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, howcomehoney  +, writes (27 October 2008):
 Everyone, everyone has fantasies. Luis Bunuel put it very well: "When I reached the age of sixty, I finally understood the perfect innocence of the imagination. It took that long for me to admit that whatever entered my head was my business and mine alone. The concepts of sin and evil simply didn't apply; I was free to let my imagination go wherever it chose, even if it produced bloody images and hopelessly decadent ideas. When I realized that, I suddenly accepted everything. 'Fine,' I used to say to myself. 'So I sleep with my mother. So what?' Even now, whenever I say that, the notions of sin and incest vanish beneath the great wave of my indifference." (His film Belle de Jour might interest you, if you haven't seen it.)
The fantasies you describe are a lot more common than you might imagine. You are talking about a need to be degraded. However, acting on them the way you did is dangerous. Anything might have happened to you that night.
You need to decide whether you want to explore them, to exorcise the ghost; or if you want to keep them as fantasies. The more you try to repress them, the guiltier you will feel when they pop up again - because they will, and once forbidden, they will come back stronger.
Finding the root of them is one thing, but sometimes these things come out of nowhere, or out of something completely harmless. Ask yourself questions about your past. Don't be ashamed of your fantasies. If you have the right partner, you can even act on them. They can become something dark and elegant and wicked. But don't do what you did before, it's too risky and could go so horribly wrong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): Hi
We all have dark sides even though many think they are only pure, a candle light casts a shadow. If we are of the light then we have shadow. In your case you i believed stepped into the shadow self and acted on it, you brought fantasies to life and that is not always good to do, because this part of you is not the REAL you and that is why you were disgusted. EXAMPLE You can have dark thoughts such as stealing your best friends boyfriend but you dont have to ACT on it. you could let desire loose and keep whats real your freind . Desire is what the ego wants and often it wants the opposite of what is real . You acted out actually what you dont want and you probably are in a stage where you are AWARE of your dark side but it does not mean that it is YOU. Use this part in creating art put fantasy on canvas erotic art.
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A
female
reader, aunty_rach  +, writes (27 October 2008):
hmm i would say having a fantasy is harmless, but when you act it out it;s often not good. the reality is very different as you could tell. i think maybe you need to figure out why you are having these thoughts about being dominated. there is always a core problem which will enable you to sort out why you feel the way you do about things. the best way to do this is probably to go to your doctor and seek advice on a sex therapist. they will help you to get down to why you are thinking of rape,etc and this shall hopefully help you to stop acting out your fantasy
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