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female
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*uttie
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for a year and I'm confused about our relationship. He says he doesn't want to get married or have kids with me and he doesnt see our relaationship anywhere in the future. When i asked him if he still loves me hs says he does and he still wants to be with my but he doesnt want to give me false hopes which is fair. Itsno because of me he just doesnt want kids and marriage at the mo, but then he says that he may change his mind in the future. We are both 25 but im not ready to get married and have kids.i dont know whether to stay with him if its going nowhere or to stay with him, i love him and he doesnt want me to leave but i dont know what to do. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (5 May 2007):
 This guy sounds as though he's either not ready for commitment or else has something to hide. (I assume you're sure he's not already married for example. I'm only saying that because that's a typical line that comes from men when they're committed to someone else).
However, many guys are frightened of the idea of marriage and children because of the responsibility. You're both young and perhaps he's not yet mature enough to take on that kind of thought. As you say, you're not ready for it either! My feeling is that he's saying these things because he just doesn't know at this stage what he wants in life and he's being honest with you, which is a good thing, but leaves you in a difficult situation.
I think you have to decide what you honestly want. If he's making you unhappy then there's no point in staying with him. Telling you he sees no future with you is very hurtful and worrying for you. Perhaps you've given him the impression that you ARE ready to settle down and have kids. It may be a good idea to agree to split up for a while or see other people so that you have some time apart.
If he makes you happy and you truly love each other, then I would give it more time and see if his feelings change in a couple of years. I hope that helps a bit.
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