A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am currently fairly poorly at the moment and have to stay at home for a few days. I have a lovely family around to care for me but what concerns me is that, in my opinion, friends are meant to also ask after me if possible. I have several good friends but only one of them has asked after me and made me smile. This however, was not from the friend I 'prefer' which kinda annoys/upsets me. I'm not sure how to respond to this as I am the person to ask after friends when they are unwell. Should I be annoyed and should I bring it up to her? Should I be distant or tell her about my progress? We get on very well so if possible, I don't want something like this to spoil our friendship. Please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, old-spinstah +, writes (25 September 2009):
If you've only been sick for a short while I don't think there's a big deal except that you are feeling low in mood because your friends are not behaving in the way you expected them to.
There's not a hard and fast rule of "how to behave when someone's sick" - everyone has their own ideas of what's the right thing.
Your friends may be worried about disturbing you when you are sick - they may be waiting for you to call once you are feeling better. Some people are very uncomfortable around ill people - they don't know what to say or feel that they can't possibly help so just avoid it instead. Some of your friends may be treating you the way they like to be treated when they are unwell - I personally hate it when all my friends call me up when they know I'm ill (don't they realise I'm supposed to be resting!!!) It's all a matter of perspective.
This will only become a problem with your friendship if you let it. I suggest you make the first move. Send your friend a message saying you're feeling much better. Tell her that you've missed her (you obviously have because this wouldn't be such an issue for you otherwise) and that you can't wait to catch up with all her news. Then suggest a time that you can get together or have a long phone call.
Hope you're feeling well again soon
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): This is stupid. Not from the friend you prefer? well thats both picky and stuck up. Tell her about your progress? why would she be interested? You hardly have a life threatening illness where people would want updates on how your doing. And distance her? for what? shes done nothing wrong! if you want to distance her and lose a friend then feel free but stop being so damn self centred.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): This is quite a strange question if I'm honest with you and it's kind of hard to respond. I don't see what the big deal is, you're at home with a bit of a minor illness and you're getting annoyed that your friends don't automatically drop everything they're doing and contact you?
I think you're over-reacting to this, if you don't want to spoil your friendship you should try and get over this and not bring it up with any of your friends. It is a very strange thing to be so annoyed with, you're not exactly on your deathbed.
Distant or tell her about your progress? I don't know why you think like this, what difference will it make if you do either thing?
Should you be annoyed? No, not at all, perhaps you're the friend in the group that contacts people when they're sick, others don't, it doesn't mean they don't care about you.
The only way this would spoil your relationship is if you make such a big deal out of this minor thing, they'll probably ask you how you're doing next time they talk to you. Try not to be so demanding of people.
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