A
female
age
41-50,
*osline
writes:I am married for seven years and have 2 sons (3 and 5). Even though I have a good husband we just dont seem to click. We are constantly fighty and cant seem to work out the problems. After a big fight we would get up in the morning and make as if nothing happened. My husband has chronic joint pains so our social life is also non existing. He says that I dont respect him and that I dont support him but that goes for him to. I have no time for myself since he still believes that it's the womens job to raise the kids. We both have full day jobs. I have been doing my own thing for the last six years coz most of the time he is not really interested in where I am or what I am doing also with the kids 5 minutes a day attention is enough for him with the kids. He also dont take any responsiblities in the house except watering the grass and putting the trash outside. I have been thinking about divorce non stop for the last 6 months but I am very confused and dont know what to do. He is a good man and does not abuse me in anyway but we are not compatible in anyway and the fighting is starting to effect my oldest son. When is enough enough. How do you know if you should divorce or not?
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female
reader, Rosline +, writes (16 March 2010):
Rosline is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks very much for the answers. Yes we have talked about our issues many times before. I have been to a professional but after 3 sessions he said that my husband will have to join me and I asked my husband but he is not interested. He says he cant understand why he should pay somebody to tell them about his private life. We had a big fight Saturday night while we were in the car and he pulled hard on the steering wheel twice and I really thought that I was going to roll the car. It was late at night and we went to watch rugby the kids luckly was at my inlaws. I eventually convinced him just to calm down so that we can get home and then discuss our problems and we spoke about 3 hours and decided that we are not compatible and we are both missrable so I thought this was it we are getting a divorce. The next morning he acted asif nothing happend and I was dumbstruck. He almost killed us the previous night and now he is being nice. Oviously he is now cleaning the house and bathing the kids but for how long is this going to last? I use to dance before we met I went hiking about 4 times a month and had lots of friends but that is all gone and I miss it. My parents stay about 2 hours drive from us but I can never go coz he work most saterdays and i am not allowed to drive on my own. He also cant understand why my sister and I are so close to each other and says that we should have been married. About his gout - we were at a rhumatoligist (please mind the spelling) which took his gout away for a year but now it's back and it's a constant battle but he does not drink his pills the way he should and he blames me coz he says i must put his pill out for him. I used to be like my mother do everything for him. Put out his pills iron his clothes put in lunch i did the finance i looked after the kids i feed the dog clean the house i also work at night on printing (started my own little company 6 months ago) to help with the finance. He also promised to help with that but I am still waiting. He is only glad when them money comes in. He says when I start to treed him better he will treed me better. I feel very guilty for talking this way about him but I must say I feel a lot better. I really appreciate your answers!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): Being a 'good man' who 'does not abuse you' is nowhere near enough to sustain a marriage. It sounds like you are incompatible on many levels, and that you are both miserable. And since he puts so little attention into the kids and housework, it's not like you will suffer a great increase in your workload as a single parent. (By the way, his attitude towards that is completely unacceptable and chauvenistic! This is the 21st century. He needs to get with modern times). While you stay with him, you are cutting off your opportunity to have a much more fulfilling and loving relationship. Don't do that to yourself! You deserve more, and if you stay, chances are you will end up full of regret and resentment at the time you have wasted.
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