A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I cheated on my wife with someone who I would not normally look at( Work colleague), This woman treated me so amaizingly to try to show what I could have!!! She ended up being a nutter and told my wife all about it. My intention at the time was to finish the affair and carry on, promising myself I would never do this again. I love my wife so much and had only been married 9 months when this happened. we had been together 8 years before this and I never so much as looked at another woman. Obviously my wife was a total wreck when she found out and was on the verge of a breakdown for a year, we are going through a divorce at present but I know its not what we both want. It is all her family and friends which is one of her reasons for not trying again although I now she would. I would do anything to be back with her, I adore her, someone please tell me how to get her back.JH, North east England
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a break, affair, cheated on my wife, divorce Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2007): You both need to attend relate and stop this Now!. Advice? yes, Wife stop listening to everyone else. Listen to your own heart, If you're really saying this is to much then you lodge a divorce and hit your nearest "pound of flesh" lawyer.Husband, You best sort this the "expletive" out, I'd buy my Wife an open top sports car, thats ofc is just after getting back from 2 weeks at some fantastic holiday location. You know the one? The one where you would be doing youre best to talk this out...BTW when buying the sportscar, i'd Rubbing my knees with e45 from all the heart felt apologies from thew time away.TBH GL to you both, Wife has had her sould shot, Husband has realised most likely....
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2007): You both need to attend relate and stop this Now!. Advice? yes, Wife stop listening to everyone else. Listen to your own heart, If you're really saying this is to much then you lodge a divorce and hit your nearest "pound of flesh" lawyer.Husband, You best sort this the "expletive" out, I'd buy my Wife an open top sports car, thats ofc is just after getting back from 2 weeks at some fantastic holiday location. You know the one? The one where you would be doing youre best to talk this out...BTW when buying the sportscar, i'd Rubbing my knees with e45 from all the heart felt apologies from thew time away.TBH GL to you both, Wife has had her sould shot, Husband has realised most likely....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2007): You two obviously still love each other!! Why are you using this site to communicate? Sort it out before it is lost forever. You both sound realy unhappy at the moment, seriously think about getting help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2007): All you folk out there cosidering or in an affair this is the reality of the outcome. Well put to the wife hope you are on the mend and go on to have a happy ending x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2007): In response to your question, Together 8yrs, married 9mths, your wife didnt find out though unitl 7mths into your affair! and thats because you told her that your head was a mess and you needed some time to sort yourself out!
She moved to her mum's to help you for a couple of weeks, which turned into months! un-beknown to her that you had already moved your mistress into the matrital home!
You played your wife off against your mistress, telling them both lies telling them you loved them both untill you got caught out! Ever wondered that it was you that turned the other woman into a nutter!?
You ended an 8yr relationship over the phone whilst your mistress was sat next to you laughing!!! whilst your wife collapsed into her fathers arms a sobbing shaking reck!
Your wife loved you with all she had, she would have done anything for you, she wanted to have your children!
Lies, endless mind games, emotional torture, nasty spiteful comments, being laughed at and made a fool of, loosing all her friends!!! yeah you really love this woman to have done all that to her!!
There really is no wonder your wife had a nervous breakdown! she tried to take her own life didnt she! because you made her feel so worthless, like her life was nothing! whilst at the same time telling her your where sorry and that you loved her. How could someone claim to love you but do all those hurtful damaging things??
I love you, I will never stop loving you but the damage you have caused is un-repairable! scared for life of rejection and not being able to trust ever again, of never finding happiness! I gave you my heart and you smashed it up until there was nothing left! I am empty and lost, so very lost!
Please help me! any advice would be a comfort and very welcome.
HIS WIFE
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007): All I have to say is that you know you wife was on a verge of a nervous breakdown for a year and I surmise because of your actions and words and lack of respect and love for her. This wounds a woman greatly.
By your choice, you have undone any respect, faith, trust she had in you- a man with no integrity is not something a woman strives to be married to. It does not bring anyone happiness and peace.
She wanted and needed your love, support, comfort, understanding, forgiveness, friendship and went without for a year. She suffered greatly and than you show the ultimate disrespect, you cause the greatest of offenses-you cheated on her and brought her so much heartache, suffering which would have her wondering why? What did she do to deserve it? NOT ONE THING.
If you were unhappy you should have divorced her and gave her closure and a chance at some dignity. You robbed from her.
Now you say the Ex GF is a nutter; is it because of how you act and how you 'love'?
Two women that are on verges of a nervous breakdown? What are the odds Sir?
Your intentions were vile and your actions speak loudly, distinctly and there is not excuse for what you have done. Not one.
Take full accountability and responsibility for inflicting such emotional trauma on both women that they would have breakdowns.
Then do not EVER fault your wife for one darned thing. Not one. Not for supper being late or cold. Not for her having a bad day and having a bad mood. Not for her struggling to forgive and forget, heal and cope. Not ever.
For if she chooses to forgive you and take you back...she has done so much by you and her love is immense and such a gift.
She is amazing.
I hope you realize this.
You ask forgiveness every day and you need to prove everyday you are trustworthy. This will take years to repair. Do you understand this? Are you prepared for years of constantly proving you can be reliable and trustworthy? That you will never cause your wife so much sorrow and heartache? YEARS.
You have to work 100 times harder now.
Are you prepared?
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (22 February 2007):
 Hi
I would just like to say, that I have been reading all the other answers to your question. And whilst I agree we do all make mistakes, and should be able to rectify this if we can. Do you really understand what you did to this lady.
You say that she was on the verge of a breakdown for nearly a year, that must have been really bad for her.
I guess I was quite hard on you, and maybe I didnt say what you wanted to hear. But reading your message filled me with anger.
Not just because of what you did to your wife, (I cannot understand what it was that you thought you were missing out on). But also the poor girl you now describe as a nutter.
I know some people will be up in arms at me saying this, but I dont believe in praying to god. There is no easy way out of this. Why would you worry about God forgiving you, its not his forgivness you need.
If you really love this Lady, then beg her to reconsider. And if she does, then thank your lucky stars every day you have an understanding wife.
I do wish you luck, despite what you may think XX
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A
female
reader, rammsteinfan  +, writes (22 February 2007):
 Everyone makes mistakes...it takes a REAL man to admit that he did. It's sad to hear that a marriage is damaged by infidelity and that the trust that was once there is crushed. It will take some time to heal that!
Talk to her, and tell her how sorry you are and you want to make it up to her! Get her far away from family and friends who are meddling in this! She has been through alot emotionally, so you have to be patient!
Shower her with gifts, cards and flowers...be creative!! Think of something that will win her love back again. Also, do alot of praying to God (or whoever you worship) for help in healing a damaged relationship. God works wonders in broken marriages!!
I hope and pray that you two come back together, and NEVER to break apart again!!
Love and Hugs
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A
female
reader, lelyvs2131 +, writes (21 February 2007):
Don't give up. Put on a fight. If she really loves you - she will see your effort and God will let her forgive you. But you really have to do everything in your power to make her believe you. Everybody makes mistakes even though I kind of agree with TELLULAH. But if you search deep in your heart and you really know you love her than fight for her. But don't be selfish - if are not truly in love with her, let her go - because it will end up in bad terms anyways down the line. She is probably now beginning to get herself back together and you selfishly trying to get her back, because the other one didn't work will be cruel.If its love - FIGHT, if its being afraid of being alone - LET HER GO. There might be someone else out there for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2007): Awww how cute, well bad boy for b4 but w/e NEways. Tell her how you feel. Appologise to her family and friends and tell THEM how you feel. Propose to her again, but this time tell her that you are very sorry and that if she accepts you as her husband again, that you will do all in your power to make the relationship work. Good luck mate!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2007): Hang in there bud, similar happened to me 6 years ago, we got back together after a year apart. We are never apart now and we love each other more than ever. 15 years with one break. maybe one word of advice, if she knows she can get you back anytime, whats her rush. She may keep you hanging on for a long time, bare with it ! it could be a test of your commitment. keep going bud
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female
reader, phuket +, writes (21 February 2007):
You would have to go me more details about the two of you, when you split up, what contact you have etc, have you been to relate for marraige guidance, have you any contact with the other woman, have you any children etc are any of you seeing somebody else. I am also going through a divorce with my husband that neither of us want but we are trying to sort things out with relate
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (21 February 2007):
 This is a life lesson. Of course she's trusting her family, she can't trust her husband !! You sound sincere. That's nice but it doesn't cahnge what you did and she's under no obligation to care about how you feel.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2007): I have looked at the Tellulahs response which is not what you were looking for trying to blame all else and no sympathy..... I am sure you have heard this time and time again from friends,loved ones, Your wife even!!
But to be more positive, it is never too late, you sound like you are both very much still in love with each other. Can either of you see whats round the corner? (A) No!! you either take that chance or move on. Speaking to the parents is a good idea, but dont stop trying ........ Good luck. Toni ( KENT )
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2007): Hi,I do not have much sympathy for you as you knew fine well what you were doing behind your wifes back she is the innocent party in all of this think what you have done to her emotional wellfare not to mention making her feel inadequate in the bedroom department because thats the first thing a woman thinks of when a man cheats that i was no use that is why he strayed! mines strayed with prostitutes and yes plenty of them and paid for the privillege i sometimes wish it had been just the one woman that would have been easier to deal with but it does'nt always work out like that i feel if you truly love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her then you should try and win her heart and trust back only you can do that their is no magic potion just good old fashioned ways to show her she means the world to you tell her you will spend the rest of your life making this up to her and if she wants to try then it is up to you to make this work i wish you well and remember she will be very fragile treat her with care and do not ever ever look at another woman with lust in your head cheers.
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (21 February 2007):
 Look, HAVE YOU TOLD YOUR WIFE THIS?
You have made a HUGE mistake and now, if you truly want to try to rectify it then you have to do evrything you possibly can in order to put it right. Marriage /relationship counselling, giving up your email address passwords, etc, mobile phone ditto.
TELL her!!
Talk to her!!
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (21 February 2007):
You cant blame everyone else and not yourself.
You acted terrible, and totally selfish.
If this woman had not turned ouy to be a (nutter), would you still be with her.
You could try to talk with your wife and maybe see someone to-gether.
Of course her family will try to get her to be strong and not go back to you. They have her best interests at heart.
If you really love her that much, maybe you can talk to them. And explain that you have made a mistake.
But personally I think you tried the grass to see if it was greener, it wasnt, and you just want to run back because its easy for you.
Sorry but not much sympathy for you........
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