A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my husband for a little over 10 years, married for 7 and a half and we have children. we fight all the time i can't get him to help me with anything in the house, no chores very little help with the kids and he hasn't had a job in 8 months and has not been able to hold one for the last 6 years, we have a lot of financial difficulties.i just can't get him to understand that he has to get up and do something with himself so he can provide for his kids and make a better home. it's like i'm talking to a brick wall, he can be so disrespectful, i don't know what to do anymore, i have been so upset for so long, i am now having anxiety attacks....... please help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008): Hello there. Firstly may I take the liberty of sending your husband a big kick up the ass and tight slap around the face (sorry!). He is taking the piss. I'm so sorry to hear you are having panic attacks; i know how awful they are as I had them when I was with my ex partner who refused to work, did not want to pick the kids up from school, smoked weed all the time, argued, etc etc - I ended up in a real old state and eventually had to call the police to get him to leave. I can see that your body is warning you that are struggling - I decided long ago that I was lucky to get the panic attacks in a way because those of us that get panic attacks are lucky that our bodies are warning us that we are reaching overload, cos some people just collapse or completely break down all of a sudden. The panic attack, as I understand it, from reading clinical articles, should last no more than one hour and it's horrible horrible I know.
There's loads of info on panic attacks on the internet. I went for counselling, which I got via my GP and I had six sessions with a nice male counsellor and then got referred for psychotherapy and I was pretty much panic attack free within a few weeks and didn't have any more for ten yrs until I got into a stressful relationship with a different man and had some smaller attacks. You could try marriage counselling but in the meantime you need lots of support to help you calm down and keep things in perspective. Sorry if this is too long but I am trying to cover all angles.
Regarding your husband, as he is the source of your stress, he will need to either go and stay with a friend for a while or get a job and start helping around the house.
He needs to change immediately because this could affect your physical health if it is left to continue and that is unfair on the children. Of course he may well be depressed himself with the situation so he needs to sort it out. I would definitely phone a support line and spend time away from him. I found that when my ex partner was actually away, I was less resentful as I was only doing stuff for the children and myself and not having to clear up after him and put up with his moods etc .. If you want to talk email back again on this page - I'll keep an eye out. I do feel for you and I'm so sorry your husband is behaving this way. If you have an understanding GP even that initial chat with him/her will be the start of a release. I hope you have some calm reassuring friends who you can talk to in a relaxed environment because that is a great boost. Let us know how you get on. Take good care xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008): Hi Hunny
Get yourself to your doctor first off, A brown paper bag put your nose and mouth into the bag and take slow deep breaths this will help with the panic attacks, When they come on dont worry let it take its course think calming thought know what is happening and remember you are in control. I had them for 20yrs I learnt how to control them and I now dont get them.
Right on to your husband!! Tell him to either get his arse in gear or get out and mean it, Dont be a doormat hunny you are doing everything so he is only adding to your stress so he is not helping in anyway a short sharp shock is what he needs be strong with this as hard as it may be but do it. Get intouch with your doc and ask to be refered to a counsellor as you need help, So does your husband marriage counselling would be good if he would go but im guessing no from what you have said. Also find a victim support line they are not only there for abusive situations they are there to help in anyway they can with a domestic situation as this to.. Im going to send you a link for self help...
http://www.libraryjournal.com/article/CA6497775.html?
YOU CANT CARRY ON LIKE THIS SO PLEASE IF YOU NEED A CHAT FEEL FREE TO MESSAGE ME ANYTIME!
I hope this has helped a little and you get all the help you need, Always remember your strengths and never loose faith in yourself hunny TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOTS OF LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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