A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everybodyme and my man have been together for four years now we are very happy together and are getting married in three months time. i can honestly say i love him to bits and have never been with anyone who makes me so happy.but there is always a 'but'. i had a troubled childhood. there was a molester in the family and things were rough. i also got pregnant young while rebelling,recently i have been coming out of my shell a bit more than usual and have slept with 2 other men ( not at the same time - a few weeks between each other ) and i cant say its because i like them cos i dont. but i just got off on the thrill and excitment of it all. any guy i see i flirt like mad with. its such a thrill as i was not that popular or pretty growing upi dont want to ruin the relationship i am in now What can i do any suggestions please helpThanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (13 April 2008):
 Would you accept him if your soon to be husband sleeps around with any girl ?
How do you look at this issue ?
If you don't want to ruin this relationship ,
then you should remain faithful to him.
If you continue to do what you are doing,
your relationship will face tremendous pressure and stress.
It depends on his outlook but generally speaking most men will not tolerate this infidelity.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2008): You said you were molested when you were young -
THAT KIND OF EARLY SEXUAL TRAUMA IS A PERFECT FOUNDATION FOR A LOT OF THE PROBLEM.
You should get counseling for this, big-time. It won't be a quick & painless process either.
But you can either deal with this now, or you can continue messing up and spiraling farther & farther away from a stable/happy relationship for many years to come.
Believe me, there's no magic age or relationship that's gonna make this problem "go away" at some point in the future. You've gotta face the music and take steps to deal with it.
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A
female
reader, greenmonkey00  +, writes (12 April 2008):
 Love is not just a feeling. Love is an ACTION and you don't love this fiance of yours if you are disrespecting him by giving your body to other men who you say you don't even LIKE. You like the attention obviously, and that's fine, but don't act on it for Pete's sake. I understand you were abused when you were younger, but that is no excuse to be sexually dishonest to a man who is faithful to you and expects the same in return. Break your engagement or come clean. That is one horribly tough decision but there's no other course.
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A
female
reader, lotsofgiggles123 +, writes (11 April 2008):
 you should tell you husband what you have been doing then STOP the sleeping with the men. maybe you should think about getting sexually active with the current man you are going to marrydont flirt with other guys....flirt with your husband!
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A
female
reader, lotsofgiggles123 +, writes (11 April 2008):
you should tell you husband what you have been doing then STOP the sleeping with the men. maybe you should think about getting sexually active with the current man you are going to marrydont flirt with other guys....flirt with your husband!
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A
female
reader, crownedprincess +, writes (11 April 2008):
Hiya!!
I know some of the things im going to say might be a bit
harsh but at the end of the day it needs to be said!
I'm sorry to hear about your childhood being not the best
but neither was mine but blamind your cheating on that
isn't the way to go. I can understand that these happenings
are going to play a part in this but you cant blame it on
your childhood you chose to sleep with these men!
Not meaning to sound bitchy at all but if you don't want
this to wreck your relationship why did you do it??
ask yourself!? You say it's because you weren't the best
looking or what ever when growing up but if you want that
thrill and excitement about meeting men you shouldn't be
about to marry someone. I really suggest you speak to
your partner and i can tell you now the longer you hide
this the more it will eat you up inside and the longer
it takes for him to find out the more worse it will be!!
honestly 9 times out of 10 people who cheat get caught!!
I know i sound like a right old bitch, but if you want
your relationship to work with you future husband you
seriously need to talk to him about it even if it hurts!
and you need to come to terms with things that happend in
your past for you too move forward! You will bt more
respected for telling the truth!!
Good Luck_x
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A
male
reader, brow  +, writes (11 April 2008):
You need to tell your partner. If you dont there will always be this gap between you. He may forgive he may not. Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): Ok if you feel that you really are sorry and are sure that you will not cheat again, then here is my advice.
You need to put the past behind you and concentrate on your relationship.
You need to make sure your doing the right thing. I was watching a morning chat show the other day and an agony aunt commented that you should not tell anyone anything that you would not want the world to know. In other words dont tell anyone wot has happend or it may eventually get back to your partner.
I know it sounds wrong and imoral, but its for the best. Its not worth destroying a perfectly good relationship over what I imagine to be drunken mistakes. Which is no excuse for it happening, but all the same they are still mistakes.
Ok I hope I have helped you out, let me know if you wanna chat somemore. All the best in everything you do.
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): I think you need some good counseling, dear. While I sympathize for what happened in your past life, you need to remember there are millions of females out there who have come from similar horrid circumstances, and who gained a healthy balance and momentum in their life and made the 'choice' to conduct their love relationships in a respectful way, without looking for the constant ego boost/approval/validation from others, by cheating. Something is amiss in you and I think you might be in a painful place and counseling will help you understand that you won't get satisfaction in yourself by acting out like this.
You are an adult, on the verge of committing to marriage and that is sacred, in my books. When one is an adult, many of us can face all our past wrongdoings and agonies with personal courage and forethought. That is the true mark of maturity and a healthy, strong mindset. Many of face that ugly past, looking for and getting the compassion and love of the person we have sworn our allegiance to-the person we trust more than anything. I suggest you put the wedding on hold and tell your fiancee you are struggling and you need help...asap. Don't mistreat him for what has happened, in your past. That is just so unfair and very self-involved. I hope you consider some good therapy or seeking advisement from a neutral person who can help you build up your self-worth and get you back on track. Good luck hun and I wish you the best.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 April 2008):
 Poster, in a way, the relationship is already ruined. You just can't think a relationship is working well if the two are getting married in three months and one of the parties has already slept with two other people in a matter of a few weeks.
If you married this man and kept on cheating on him, perhaps you wouldn't be ruining his life, but for sure you would be bringing trouble and pain.
You didn't cheat because some black magic force made you do it; you cheated because you wanted to. Everyone has secret desires and wishes but not everyone goes along with them. So, the answer to your question is very simple: first of all, think if you really love this man. I am tempted to say you don't. If you think you love him, don't do anything against that love. And then, whether you love him or not, just don't cheat. If you can't make the decision not to cheat, let him be free.
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