A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married several months now. Things didn't start too postively when my wife was too tired to make love on our wedding night. It was a tiring day so this was fair enough and I didn't create a fuss. Howver ever since we have sex so rarely, every few weeks at best. I have tried talking to her about this but she says she is too tired or doesn't feel well (she has problems with her joints and circulation). I do not want to leave her but the physical side of the elationship is important to me. I would like to hear from other people in a similar situation for advice and how they have coped with being in a similar situation. Thanks for listening.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, called Steve +, writes (14 December 2009):
 I doubt many couples actually make love on their Wedding Night... :-D
As they say; Wedding Cake is the best form of concraception... but seriously, was the sex ok 'before' the Wedding? If so, has her illness suddenly got worse?
It all sounds a little convenient for me. Almost like she has trapped you... to be openly frank about it.
Have you asked her why the sudden change?
If sex was scarce before the Wedding then dont expect it to be any different - well, certainly no better anyways!
Please dont just give in - that is cruel and selfish, ask her the problems, suggest councelling even. Giving up on a new marraige is too easy - the first year of any marraige is the hardest as you're mutually getting used to each other.
Regards
Steve
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): You two need to discuss and agree on a solution that works for BOTH of you. If once a week is OK, then so be it- if her solution is once a year (not OK!)- then she needs to rethink it, or allow you another avenue of satisfaction.
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A
female
reader, dazey  +, writes (14 December 2009):
If you love your wife then you'll have to make the effort and build this up slowly. Don't forget to make genuine complements and shows of affection if and when you do have sex, don't be OTT and insincere, she'll see through that, but make her feel comfortable, confident and appreciated when you do do it.
Learn to touch her properly, and I don't necessarily mean in a sexual way! properly learn some massage skills to ease her joints and help her circulation. Do this genuinely and properly, there is a big difference between a confident massage and just touching her up on the back a bit so you can get in there.
Bear in mind that women's bodies have a lot of areas which are not genital areas but that turn us on when touched. Find out about them, , and include these in your massages. A favourite of mine is having someone lightly brush their lips or fingertips (or....?) over the area between my shoulder blades, goosebumps every time. Guaranteed.
Apparently shellfish is thought to boost the libido, and so does regular exercise. I don't want to offend you by making assumptions about your lifestyle but a bad diet, too much boozing and habits like smoking cannabis are definitely not good for the libido (or circulation), so if any of these apply perhaps you could look to introducing a bit of a health regime into your new marriage.
Best of luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): Not been in any similar position, but were the two of your virgins? If so, maybe she just doesn't feel any pleasure from sex yet.
Next, if her joints hurt her so much, talk to the doctor?
Also, talk to her about sex. It is important to be intimate with each other.
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