A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in need of urgent help. I am almost 28 years old and married since last two years now. it was a love marriage and we both love each other a lot. But i am still a virgin. I am just so scared of the pain even before we start kissing that i do not let him make love. I cannot talk abt this to anyone. i do not want to lose him and want to give him all the happiness. but my fear doesn't seem to go away. please help me
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kissing, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2007): I was scared to have sex at first but once you have done it you can't get enough, it also brings you alot closer to your partner and takes your relationship to another level! If you carry on thinking this way you will never lose your virginity. Everyone has to experience losing their virginity and people have different pain thresholds so it will be painful for some and not others. Just make sure that you don't tense up because that will not help, relax!! Also, you might want to think about using lubricants.Hope this helps xx
A
male
reader, romanticlover  +, writes (12 July 2007):
 just go for it if your scared of the pain don't think about it but tell him to go slow on your first time cause its better that way
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (12 July 2007):
 you are with someone who loves and clearly respects you and that is such a precious thing to find. first times are different for everyone - unfortunately for me i didnt feel a thing!!u love him and trust him and there should always be that present when it comes to sex.tell him to go slowly and dont jump into it - if you both explore eachtother first then you will become more relaxed and enjoy being with him so intimately. honestly hun there is nothing to be afraid of others would love to be in your position with their first time!dont feel pressured,enjoy it and i promise you it will be so special xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2007): I wouldn't use a sex toy if you have never had sex, especially if you want him to be the one to break your hymen. It really doesn't hurt, it is more like pressure. When it is with someone you love the feelings will be so deep that you won't even feel any pain. Don't wait any longer he must really love you and it is the most spiritual thing you can do with your husband. It is almost like your spirits and bodies become one. The most wonderful feeling that a marriage could have. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Beckto  +, writes (12 July 2007):
 It doesn't hurt that bad!!! Tell him to go very slowly, and try a little at a time. You don't have to take it all at one time. Also get lubrication to help make it less of an issue.
My first time was not painful at all!!!
But, you really should bring sex into your marriage. That's a very important need for both people in the marriage!
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (12 July 2007):
 I like eyeswideopen's answer -- then you don't need to fear. Also, I would see a counselor who specializes in sex issues. S/he can talk about why you're so worried.
My first time didn't hurt at all; it was a little uncomfortable but that was it.
Here's another idea. Purchase a smallish sex-toy and try having some fun with that by yourself. Using lubricant, you'll see that it can be fun (if you're excited) or that it's only uncomfortable (if you're not excited) and that you can handle it just fine. try this site to get a toy (I've used then and they're good -- the site is also sometimes humorous): http://www.blowfish.com
Good luck hon.
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (12 July 2007):
 Yes, the first time hurts, but not anywhere near as badly as you obviously fear. And once you get past that initial pain, making love with the one you love... well, there is nothing better! He seems a very understanding, loving and patient partner to have waited this long. I am sure that he will take his time and do his very best to make this as good an experience for you as possible.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2007): Darling,
You have nothing to fear with a loving partner, and he must love you so very much to be so very understanding of your fear.
You need to relax and you must trust him make sure you have some kind of lubricant and tell him to be so very gentle with you sweetheart. It wont hurt as much as you are fearing, you have to go slowly maybe he can use his fingers to stimulate and from there you will no how far you can go take your time and touch each other, let him no if you feel pain. you must relax though as this will make it very difficult and just trust your husband to love you.. I hope this helped love please take care LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (12 July 2007):
 See your doctor, sometimes they can break your hymen surgically and painlessly. Then you can relax and enjoy your first time. It really doesn't hurt all that much if you use lubricants and proceed nice and slowly.
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