A
female
age
36-40,
*on-fuz-zled
writes:Hi there, I have been in a relationship for 4 and a 1/2 years, since i was 15.I have also been living with my boyfriend since i was 18, as we moved to London to go to the same university.Recently i have been having doubts that we want the same thing, i know that he wants a different university experience to me (as he is interested in trying marijuana, as a lot of his friends smoke it.) However i completely disagree with any type of drug use due to events that have happened in my childhood, which i do not wish to go into. I feel as though i am stopping him living his life. I know that he loves me (and i love him) and he wouldnt do it because he knows how much it upsets me, but i dont want him to turn around to me in 10 years and tell me that i stopped him fully enjoying university. But thats not all... recently, i have been wondering whether we 'settled' down too young, as i have never 'been' with anyone else sexually. This is something that hasnt occurred to me until now, and i dont know whether its because im getting older or if the 'spark' isnt there between us anymore.I feel i should also mention that i have decided to move in with some friends in august, instead of living with him because i feel so unhappy...i dont know what to do. Have we gotten too comfortable?Where we too young?Please help, i dont know what to do. Thanks in advance. x x x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (10 July 2007):
 In my experience, whenever someone asks for "a break", things have come to a point where they are actually considering to put an end to the relationship. I think this is your case. You want to keep the door open, but, deep down, this is what you feel: you want out.
And I understand. You're very different people, from what I read. I am not criticizing you.
Maybe you wish there were a way to be with him again, the way you used to. This is what your heart wants. The cold facts tell you this is unlikely to happen.
I think you should give yourself a break to think about this.
I believe you're taking the right steps, but the confusion comes from your pain. You obviously love him.
A
female
reader, con-fuz-zled +, writes (10 July 2007):
con-fuz-zled is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOooops!
I made a mistake it was supposed to say 'i dont want to NOT have him in my life again'.
I hope that if i felt like i didnt want him in my life i would have the strength to do soemthing about it.
x x x
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (8 July 2007):
Dear, don't expect things to come your way. Act. If you don't want him back in your life, well, proceed as you should.
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A
female
reader, con-fuz-zled +, writes (8 July 2007):
con-fuz-zled is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk thanks.
Im not sure if its that i don't love him anymore, we have discussed taking a break, but am scared of this because i never want to have him in my life again, if it doesnt work when we get back together.
But u r totally right about the personality differences...oh i dont know what to do.
I guess, i will just have to wait and see whether me moving out changes anything.
x x x
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (8 July 2007):
It seems to me that you've fallen out of love with him. This happens, no matter how old you were when you first got involved with someone, or how long you've been with that person. There seem to be some personality differences as well, and the marijuana is just an example.
I think you need the strength to leave. If you're sure that this is what's right for you, well, follow your feelings. It would be no good for you or him to continue a relationship that just doesn't exist anymore.
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