A
male
age
36-40,
*r Nice
writes:Im a 23 year old guy, and i have a couple of problems that i think are interlinked. I lost my virginity pretty late, i was 18, with my girlfriend at the time. We had sex a few times and then broke up after a month or two. After that i started getting big into the rave/dance scene and started taking a lot of drugs.In that time, between the ages of 18-21, i didnt have a girlfriend and didnt have sex. However one of my friends (a guy) and i after a party ended up sleeping in the same bed. During the night he started feeling me up and i kind of let him. Since then something similar has happened 3 times, we never have sex but just kind of mess around a bit. Its freaking me out though and im very depressed the days afterwards. Another problem, i dont know if its linked or not but have a feeling it is, is that about 6 months ago i met this girl. We started seeing each other but everytime we tried to have sex i couldnt get an erection. Because of that i got really embarrased and ashamed and i couldnt really see her because it was all i could think about. I know she really liked me and i dont think it was a big problem for her but it was/is huge for me. Its driving me crazy, i think about it nearly all day and now even when i try and masturbate, unless im looking at porn i cant get an erection.I cant tell my friends because of a few reasons but mainly im too embarrased and scared. I just want to know what i should do??
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broke up, depressed, drugs, erection, lost my virginity, porn Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): They sound unrelated to me. You may have just not got an erection because you were nervous.
A
male
reader, yum yum  +, writes (28 August 2009):
 Hi, I think you might be having problems accepting that you could be mostly likely homersexual. I'm Gay and was in denial untlil I was your age. I was in denial for many reasons and factors. One of the reasons was that I never felt attracted to guys however there was always somehow one guy that really turned me on. Being gay doesn't mean that you feel attracted to most men. If you really want to find out more about yourself just accept yourself for who and what you are. Don't try labeling yourself and don't care about the prejudces of gays in society. Its completely normal that you are feelings depressed about your experience, thats how I felt also the first experience I had. Take care !
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A
female
reader, helpful person  +, writes (27 August 2009):
I think I know whats going on here. But let me tell you something it's your life do what you want and don't worry about what other people will say or think of you sweety people go through things in life be and do what you want if thay's who you are. If a girl don't do it for you then leave her b before you hurt her filling's knowing that's not what you wanted to begain with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): Why not go see a counsellor? Legally (at least, I think so, I'm not a lawyer) they are sworn to confidentiality. So, if you tell them about your problems, they would be able to help. Tease out what's really bothering you.If you don't want to go and see one in person, there are some free helplines available if you Google this. Good luck! Do remember, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay or bi or whatever. Some girls actually prefer bi guys.
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A
male
reader, Mr Nice +, writes (27 August 2009):
Mr Nice is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you both for replying its good to be able to talk to someone honestly without feeling embarrassed.To answer your questions anonymous, i dont feel attracted to guys, ive always liked girls but its just this one guy. It's wierd, we have been fiends for years, hes one of my best friends, an he's not gay. Well at least i dont think so, hes had girlfriends and stuff. Its usually staight porn but i have looked at gay porn. I probably should go and see a counsellor but i know id be too embarrassed to tell the truth. I dunno im so confused about it, but im going to need to figure it out cos its wrecking my head!!Thanks anyway for replying.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): Whoa- You think 18 is LATE??? Anyway, you have a tough situation that needs more details. Do you find yourself being more attracted to guys, emotionally and physically? What kind of porn do you look at? Gay or straight? Are you turned on by the fact that you got felt up by a guy or are you ashamed and put off? I get the vibe that you're more embarassed and ashamed than anything about your encounter and when you enter into sexual encounters with a woman, you think about it and feel embarrassed and can't become aroused because of it. Maybe you're traumatized and depressed by it? I could be totally off because of your lack of details, but thats what I'm guessing. I'd say explore your sexuality. Try deliberately having a sexual encounter with a male to see if it fills your need. If not, then you may want to seek some sort of medical attention or counseling to see what's bothering you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 August 2009):
 Don't you know that certain drugs can really do damage in the erection department?
You might be at a stage in your life where you are doubting your sexual orientation. That is pretty normal. I know LOTS of guys who had "semi-gay" experiences who are pretty much straight. It was a phase where they had the curiosity and explored it.
Fooling around with a guy will not make you have erectile dysfunction, nor will it "make" you gay. You are either gay/bi or straight. Maybe you don't know what yet. Maybe you need to say NO, if it is something you do't want to do.
Take you time getting to know a girl before trying to have sex, she might actually also appreciate it.
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