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female
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*USTYBLONDE81
writes: Im 25 and every relationship i have had my partner has cheated on me. I was with someone for 4 years after 2 we got engaged , then something in my stomach kept niggling saying sumthing between us wasnt right. I am ashamed of what i did but i had to for my own sanity - i found his email passwords and checked his mail every day , it turned out he was meeting other women to have sex and paying for it - he was also messaging asking other women for no strings fun etc.. I never asked him about it i just felt sick and i didnt have sex with him again !!! I couldnt tell him i knew otherwise that would just stir up a whole lot of aggravation i just didnt need !!! In november last year i ended the relationship on the grounds i didnt love him anymore. Anyway he is now seeing someone else and he has been since december !!!! - i got over that one a lot quicker than what i thought i was going to.Since then the barriers have gone up and i have become so suspicious i push everyone who gets close away and ia m constantly checking there phones and emails !!! its driving me round the bend !!!!!!! I have met a lovely bloke off a dating site a few weeks ago and i think things are great , but i have started checking his emails and his phone and its happened again he has been sending messages to other women on the site and also giving his number out. After a few weeks have i got the right to say to him stop using the net ??? He says he is happy with me and he thinks im fab , he is at my house sometimes and i stay at his - but that niggling feeling wont go away , he says he deffo wants to be with me - but i need more reassurance. Im slowly falling for this guy but i dont want to be hurt or made a fool of !!!! how do i stop this happening again !! i dont want to be paranoid and insecure !!!!!
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (29 September 2006):
 You could talk to him, ask him how he sees you and him as a couple for example. if your exclusive, just you and him and no looking or interests elsewhere, if he says that is how he sees it give him a few days to cut the other contacts off and check again, then go from there.
Good luck, keep me posted :o)
A
female
reader, BUSTYBLONDE81 +, writes (26 September 2006):
BUSTYBLONDE81 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much , what you are saying really makes sense !! especially the bit about he will cheat whether i check up on him or not !!! I would like him to be one of the good ones but he is really letting me down at the mo !! - why is he still emailing other women giving them his phone number ?? what have i done ?
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A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (25 September 2006):
When you've been cheated on you start to think that everyone will do the same to you and paranoia and insecuritys set in, it's normal happens to us all but what you've got to realise you've only been with this guy a few weeks and it's still early days and you can't really be checking up on him all the time you will only end up losing him and he may well be one of the good ones.
You need to accept what has happened in the past as a bad choice of partner and open yourself up to be loved as putting up walls won't only keep the wrong ones out and stop them from hurting you but will also keep out the good ones that just want to love and cherish you and you may miss out on something good because of it.
Just relax and let him in, when it comes down to it, if someone is going to cheat they will whether you check up on them or worry that they will.
Good luck, hope it works out for you :o)
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A
female
reader, BUSTYBLONDE81 +, writes (25 September 2006):
BUSTYBLONDE81 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply , and i know your 100 % correct. I have spoken to my closest friends who have really all said the saem just chill out and go with it !!!!. The big thing with me is the uncertainty. I dont want to lose him at all
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (25 September 2006):
I understand how you are feeling. many people who are cheated on, then becoming more scared of being cheated on again as compared to someone has never had that happen to them. But because of whats happened to you in the past, you are letting that one guys actions be the basis of your opinion on every other guy. this isn't fair on them. you need to be able to find that middle ground, where you arent completely in denial and think everything is rosey and perfect, but where you arent 100% paranoid all the time as well. Get close friends and family- people who you trust to help you sort out what feelings are rational and which arent. It might take a bit of time for you to be able to do this, to get back to thinkiing in a way that does not make you fear eveyrones moves, but does not make you a fool either for being over trusting.
Another thing you shoudl think about is, how you don't want to be cheated on again. Of course you don't want it to happen again, but if you wrap yourself up in cotten wool ball to protect yoruself from geting hurt, you are going to block out the people that aren't going to hurt you as well. You ahve to leave yourself slightly open, be a bit vunerable, so you can have the good peopple in your life. This means taking chances which I know must be hard, but its something that you kind of need to do.
If you are ever in doubt about a guy, ask close people around you waht they think and turst what they think.
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