A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What is wrong with me? I dont understand why my relationships dont work. I know I have a problem and an obsession to help men. I always take guys who is NOTHING unemployed etc etc. Allow them to move in with me and my 2 kids !!! Help them to start a business, buy them a car, clothes ....... everything to live up to my standards .......... and then the relationship fails. As soon as they dont need me anymore I loose interest - its like I want guys to depend on me. I'm 34 year old and can not go on like this ....... I have extremly high standards in life my emotionally there is something wrong. Anybody with advise. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2011): As a counsellor I agree totally with Dr.Cal, but I would add, if you were single without children, then the moving in and out of such 'needy men' into your home, only affects you, however, this is clearly not the case for you, as you have young children, so all they see is men moving in with Mummy, with them, yet another person they try to accept in their life, for you to start all over again when you lose interest, this is really NO way to help you children grow up with the self-esteem you so obviously lack, you will damage them in this process of yours, and that is why I'm adding this, as it has not been mentioned by others. You may be damaged emotionally due to your relationships, experiences, family background, but that you can't erase ONLY meet head on and deal with it, seek help, but please don't subject innocent children to a home environment that is not healthy or stable, and moving men in and out, is neither of the latter.Please seek professional help.
A
female
reader, 120poundsoflove  +, writes (9 February 2011):
look if you wanna keep doing this do it but if ya really like the guy try having sex with him before you buy him all the stuff he might like you better and you might like him better
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (9 February 2011):
 This is very clear. You pick up needy people who understand they can take advantage of you and do it. Once they get whatever they can get from you, they leave. They already have everything they could get from you.
The solution is very easy. Just don't pick another man who can't stand on his own feet. It's not fair to you, or your kids.
I would also recommend you to really dig into yourself and find out why you want these guys to give you love in exchange of all that support. There is something that makes you do it. That is the real problem, for you and your kids. Blame the men for abusing you, but blame yourself for creating the conditions that lead to that abuse.
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A
female
reader, ashley187 +, writes (9 February 2011):
 I think you could use some counseling. You need to talk to someone about why you do this; possibly family issues when you were younger? It's not healthy or finacially wise to keep doing this and it's definitely not good for your kids to see their mom get used by these guys. you dont want them to think that's the way love is. I wouldnt even bring anyone around your kids until you think its a for sure thing. And look for someone that meets your standards (but be realistic), its not your job to help lazy men.
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