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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I have been married to the same man for 23 yrs I married at 15 I have two grown daughters 21 and 19 I dont have to work, I do what I want, when I want, and how I want I go out on weekends with the my friends to dances.. my husband is a wonderful man and would do anything in the world for me he treats me like a queen.I dont know how it happened but I am in love with someone else and I want to be with this other man but I dont want to hurt my husband,what do I do?? how do I get over this? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Learning2Love +, writes (14 December 2006):
 I think you had too much freedom, your husband trusted you and now you're bored and going out your way to show him that he shouldn't have done that. But the thing is it's not his fault [although letting you go out every weekend with friends is a definite no no] he should've trusted you less [in hindsight]... But it's you that's at fault and not your husband.
Lastly, one of agony aunts mentioned this, what kind of a man would go after a happily married woman? He has no respect for you and even less for your hubby.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2006): You are likely mistaking infatuation and lust for this other man, for true love. It's not. What you have shared with your husband of 23 years is 'the true, deep, real love'. He's been there with you through thick and thin, good times and bad. This is what a deep bond is, this is devotion, this is what committment is. Don't you see it? If you don't then I have to ask, when did you grow bored and complacent with your husband? If you've done this, which is my guess, I am always amazed at how people do this. They marry, they get bored and look for other avenues to fill up their needs and desires. I personally, think that is selfish and very disturbing how this trend keeps happening. I feel so badly for your husband. Sounds like he deserves a woman who loves, him, respects him and is totally honest with him. So make the clear cut choice...you can't have them both. It's one or the other. A good marriage is sacred-it's a lifetime commitment-it's something so rare these days and you do have it all . You can build on what you have with hubby, work hard, and keep your family together. It will take time and perhaps some marriage counseling, but it can be done. Or...you can continue to have feelings for this other guy and act on them. Hubby and the adult kids will get hurt. It's your call. If you want your marriage to work, you are the only person that can control your destiny. It takes strength, it takes morals, it takes perseverence but it can be done.
One final thought. If you and this other guy have an affair...ask yourself-just what type of man is he? That he would disrespect another man's marriage. Honorable, good men do not mess with another man's marriage...plain and simple. And honorable, loving women do NOT forsake their marriage vows because they are bored- and want some outside action. No one has ever claimed that marriage is easy...it's not. Marriage isn't easy..it's darn hard work. Find out why you are feeling this way. Get into counselling before you make a mistake you could regret for years to come.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (13 December 2006):
 He's given you soooo much that you began to expect it. Now you've begun to see him as too easy and you lost respect for him. Then another man came along who was probably not as giving. That made it a challenge. That was new to you.
Now go and break your husbands soul, heart and dreams. Tell him all his good deeds were for nothing and you've been betraying him. Take your lumps as you deserve all of them. Tell your kids why you're leaving and take what comes your way. It won't be easy, nor should it be.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2006): don't do anything stupid. You might regret it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2006): thanks for your answer reading that was almost like talking to myself I can tell you really know what I am dealing with thanks again
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2006): I was in a similar situation one year ago - after a wonderful honeymoon period the relationship slowly changed until the other man became quite unsuitable. When faced with the reality of separation from my very good husband I realised what a huge mistake I had made. I was incapable of seeing at the time - blinded by love - but in the process also lost my husbands love for me. I also suffered all the self hate for what I was doing - I am just hanging on by the fingernails to my marriage but now value all that was secure and certain and good with my husband. When we have it too good we dont appreciate it - we have a false sense of security - we need something to jolt us into realising - some might say a good kick - it is hard to realise what we have until it is gone or almost gone. However if I was faced with the same situation again I dont know how I would have known that it was better to examine what was wrong with my marriage - really work on those problems and realise that in one years time I would know that the 20 years of shared life were very precious indeed. At the end of the day only you knows what is right for you. I think I knew all along that the other relationship wasnt really right for me but I still went ahead taking myself down a road that did not feel like reality - after a lifetime of doing the right thing it was risky and exciting but not morally sound or wise. Why do we lose our ability to follow what our heads are telling us is right? But maybe you really are not in love with your husband any more? Only you know. But if so try to deal with one relationship at a time - finish the first one before moving on if that is what you want. At least you wont lose your self respect then.
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