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age
36-40,
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writes: Though I am too small to hurt someone like my boyfriend physcially, I have a tendency to reacte to my anger physically. I have a tendency to slap, push and punch him when I fight with my boyfriend. I want it stop, but I don't know how to change it. It's a reaction I can't seem to control..I should mention I was diagnosed with depression 6 months ago. It's a lot better now that I'm on medication. I don't reacte in a way I use to (and hate), until I forgot to take my meds consistently a couple time, and I lashed out like I used to. I've never acted this way before. What's wrong with me? The guilt is almost more than I can take, and I'm hiding from the world, because I'm so ashamed of my actions. I have never been violent in a relationship until I met a man several years ago who hurt me more than I can put in words. He was very emotionally abusive and I would sometimes lash out that way. When I get defensive I get physical. My current boyfriend is twice as large as me, and I am unable to hurt him, but just the fact that I reacte that way is awful. I can't seem to get a grip on my actions and I need it to change. I have never been physical to anyone else in my life. Just these couple men.
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emotionally abusive, violent Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): Hi Hunny
This is just what happened to me after a violent marriage I didnt hit but I screamed shouted cryed froze and ran a mile, It only had to be maybe one thing that reminded me of my past..I had no trust in men for along time, I have been getting help for post traumatic stress for along time sweetheart, Its got alot better over the past few yrs Im still recieving treatment called E.M.D.R....
http://www.emdr.com/
There is light at the end of the tunnel believe me have faith in yourself as a beautiful strong young woman, YOU CAN OVERCOME THIS!!!!!! TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the responses! It means a lot. My past relationship was something that was very hard to come to grips with and I know that's part of why I have such horrible reactions and feel at times no one can be trusted. I don't want to communicate in this destructive way.
I guess I do need more help than just medication. I don't want this type of reaction to become a habit. I react in a physical way when I feel my current boyfriend is like my ex. I know he's not, but during the 'episodes,' I am quite convinced he is 'playing with my head.' That's not an excuse though.
The thing is I'm normal and rational most of the time, and then I go through episodes when I feel panicked and crazy. I lash out. I cry excessively and yell at thim to leave. Maybe it's trauma (I was manipulated, verbally and sexually abused by my ex). Maybe it's bipolar. Who knows? I know my past isn't simple, but I don't want to treat and harm my boyfriend. I know that my yelling and hysterical moment hurt him deeply.
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female
reader, Susan Strict  +, writes (28 April 2008):
 Go back to the doctor. The way you describe it, that's not depression that's mild manic depression or mild bipolar disorder.
Don't become panicky about it, because that will make it worse. You're not alone. Something like one in every hundred people have the problem to some degree, although generally more men than women.
Make sure you describe what you feel and what you do fully to your doctor so that there's no possibility it can be misunderstood. There's some great medication around without side-effects - if you really need it - and some really good counsellors who can help you understand what you are feeling when this happens and how to control it.
Above all, don't be ashamed of it or of what you do when you lash out. That, again, can make it worse. You need to concentrate on controlling it, and you need help to do that. It's not something that you are likely to solve completely on your own.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): Hi Hunny
Its probably down to your past bad experiences, And the trauma comes back causing you to lash out. You can get help for this and you can control it love. You dislike being this way so concentrate on how you can put your feelings into a less negative form of frustration...You get so frustrated that you hit slap push almost as if you want to push this person away out of your life..You need to disassociate your past from your here and now....If you are not seeing anyone a counsellor then it would be helpful to get all these feelings out to someone so they dont come out on the wrong person hunny so I would go and talk with someone, I hope this has helped you sweetheart TAKE CARE WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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