A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hello. im 17 years old and for the past 3 months i have not been eating properly, i was a size 12 but im now a 10 i eat an apple a day and drink water, looking at food makes me want to be sick. my family have not noticed yet as im really clever at throwing my food away, i take it up to my room and put it in the bin everytime, then i empty the bin just incase people see it in the bin. i try my best to avoid eating with other people or eating out in public, my boyfriend took me out for dinner and it was my idea of hell, i pushed my food around my plate and hardly touched any of it i told him i was full up from a big lunch, but lately i think hes noticing what im doing, he has started to watch me like a hawk when we have to sit down and have dinner, i force mouthfuls in but i cant stand it, i cut my food up in little pieces so it looks as if i have ate more, and I constantly play around with my meals if im in front of people, or i try to get out of meal times, people have noticed i have lost weight they ask me how i lost it i just say i dont know. im now a 10 and i still look in the mirror and think im fat, im always looking in the mirror, i know im getting a bit out of control but i just cant eat, some days i dont eat nothing at all, 3-4 days at the longest, my boyfriend is 23 and i love him but i know hes finding it odd how i cant eat infront of him, when i have to eat infront of him i just mess around with it or force some down my throat wanting to throw up, i kept telling myself i didnt have a problem but now i realise maybe i do have a problem but i want to stop but i cant, im obsessed with losing weight, my boyfriend also noticed i have been taking diet pills, he found them on my bedside cabinet, now i hide them and said i dont take them anymore.I have no energy and have suffered with a bad back lately, i get dizzy spells alot and just feel tired and drained. i want to get help but im also too ashamed to admit i have a problem to people. sometimes i want to confinde in my boyfriend but im too afraid but he would always be here for me, i have only lost a stone in 2 months, i plan to lose way more, i just have to. in the past people have called me fat when i was a size 12, even my own mum always puts me down and calls me fat, ever since i just want to prove to people im not some fat bitch they say i am, so i told myself "im going to starve myself" and i have been since. please help i do want to stop but dont know how.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2009): Sounds like you have the beginnings of Anorexia Nervosa. It's a condition that doesn't just affect you, it affects the people that care about you, like you're committing suicide in front of them. Sorry to be so harsh, but it's a disease which is not just about losing weight, it's a lot about seeking attention too, and the sufferer is an emotional drain on their family and friends, causing worry and distress for everyone. Take a look at some pictures of long-term sufferers, they are not attractive, in fact they look like side-show freaks, yet the disease screws their perception so that they think they look hot.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be slim and attractive, but the way to achieve that is through a healthy diet and exercise, not starving yourself. If you choose starving yourself, I'd suggest getting professional help for the underlying psychological reasons. I've known a few sufferers because of my line of work, and they all had one thing in common, an over-bearing, critical parent who made them feel inadequate. A significant amount of research into Anorexia also suggests that family dynamics are a major contributing cause. Good luck - go eat a burger and get a protein fix to get rid of those dizzy spells. :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2009): My dear, you have an eating disorder. I understand where you are coming from because I have been in your situation. I think you should talk to someone about this because I sense that you are crying out for help.
You seem intelligent and you know that this is effecting your life and will hinder your development as you are still young.
If it is weight you want to lose then you need to see your doctor/dietician and exercise. You need everything within moderation. You are intelligent and I know that you do not think that eating just an apple a day will be your means of survival.
You say that you are not hungry but that is the eating disorder that is speaking. Subconciously, something or someone may have put you in a state that is allowing you to feel like you need to take control of your eating habits. It is true that we need to watch what we eat but restricting our food intake to a fruit will not benefit us in the long run.
Just remember, you are beautiful inside and out and that we cannot live our lives worried about what size we are. Learn to love yourself and enjoy life because we could be here today and gone tomorrow. Nobody is ever remembered as a great person just beacause they were a size zero.
You take care of yourself and good luck in all your endeavours.
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A
female
reader, Dazed~Confused  +, writes (26 November 2009):
 I think you know that what you are doing in not healthy.
I worry for you b/c I think this has progressed to the point where you need professional help.
Eating so little is very bad for you. When your body goes through its fat stores, it will start eating the muscle and bones.
You risk causing long term damage to yourself, to your organs. Lack of proper nutrition will make your hair and teeth fall out. You will look old and your skin will be dull....
Who cares what your mom or other ppl think. Your boyfriend obviously cares for you and finds you attractive and there are tons of ppl who do as well. Size 12 is a perfectly normal and healthy size.
If you want to look healthy, then eat properly and exercise. That is the best thing that you can do for yourself. That, and believe in yourself.
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