A
female
age
30-35,
*mmaxbaby
writes:I have a really low self esteem problem that my boyfriend doesnt understand, im always trying to find new ways of how i can make myself 'look better'.Im a size 18, and i just feel fat all the time, i have an eating dissorder as a result, my boyfriend tells me im sexy and beautiful but i still dont see myself as it. Im always thinking what if i get surgery or go on an extreme diet ill get skinny or if i die my hair a differnt colour ill look more beautiful, It also scares me that i may ruin my relationship with my boyfriend as im scared he will leave me for someone whos better than me, im just all over the place
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female
reader, greenmonkey00  +, writes (12 April 2008):
 I'm not really sure what your questions it, but know this: If you don't believe you are beautiful, you are certainly not going to believe your boyfriend when he tells you that you are. You need to thank your lucky stars that you have such a great guy. If I so much as gain a pound or two, my boyfriend stops complimenting me at all. (Yes, he's on his way out....) Just enjoy yourself and quit analyzing things. Does he make you feel good? Do you have a good time together? Your self-image issues are in your own head. You're only hard on yourself because the rest of the worlds tells you what you're supposed to look like. Let me tell you something. There are some damn fine sexy women out there who are twice or three times my size and I sometimes I wish I had the confidence and power that they wield over men. They don't make any apologies for the way they look. You shouldn't either.
Your boyfriend asked you to be his when you were a size 18. Why do you think you have to make yourself 'better' in order to keep him? You sure as heck don't. You just need to worry about being healthy and happy. If you are, he will be too.
A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (11 April 2008):
 I'm so freaked out because apart from the eating disorder bit, i could have written this question.
It sounds a lot like my situation. I think really you should deal with your ating disorder - get rid of it. Eat healthily and you'll feel physically and mentally better. Easier said than done i know. But acknowledging that is a good step.
Your boyfriend is doing his part as a boyfriend and trying to get you to see yourself the way he see's you. He probably understands that you have low self-esteem but how helpful would it be if he did something other than reassure you that you're amazing just the way you are? This is his way of trying to help. I know it doesn't help, but try to smile because he loves you, despite how you see yourself.
You need to feel better about yourself - your boyfriend obviously can't help with that if him loving you the way he does isn't helping.
Just try to believe that he's with you. worrying about it isn't going to do you any good with everything else going on.
Perhaps you should see a life-coach? Or a counsellor? Or see your doctor at the very least about your eating. start with tackling things one by one but try not to take things out on your boyfriend. he's just trying to shw you how much he loves you - he's not trying to be misunderstanding.
i hope things work out. sorry i cudnt help more.
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