A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i need help big time! im 20 years old and i think i have a severe anxiety problem! i have a girlfriend and have done for 6 months now. im just going to cut to the chase as this problem is pretty much ruining my love life now! everytime i have had a girlfriend in the past i have had very severe sickness. its almost like the feeling of butterflies in my stomach but 1000 times worse. it has always made me physically sick and it always happens at the most inconvenient moments like when i think we are going to kiss, or when i think we are going to have sex. ive always had to make some crappy excuse to make my exit quick! and go puke. its been kind of easy to hide in the past because after a week or two it has always just dissapeared as i have grown more comfortable with the girlfriend. usually i have put it down to severe nerves but this time around i think there is something else going on. 6 months i have been going out with my current partner and this problem is still occuring! the difference being with my current partner is that this is my first "proper" and serious relationship. i love my girlfriend so much and i intend to stay with her for a very long time but it is almost like i fall to pieces when i am around her! i am really embarresed to tell anybody as this is clearly not normal and i am at my wits end! if anybody out there has any clue how to help me i would be most gratefull. this problem has got to stop and im too embarresed to even go see a doctor about it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for your advice, for carina tho, i can't think back to anything in the past that makes me feel this way when with a girl, nor does this happen in any other situation.this really is getting me down as it is so abnormal to be like this. thanks again to all of you for your help
A
female
reader, here_2_help +, writes (9 February 2007):
 hey its normale to get butterflys but you have them big time. so next time you see this girl tell her about the problem it may make you feel better and take things
s-l-o-w-l-y so your not worried when it comes to sex.
hope this helps xx
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A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (9 February 2007):
 Hmmm. This is a difficult situation for you. First: do you have this anxiety problem in any other situations? It would be useful for you to identify if something happened in the past that makes you feel so anxious when with girls. Second: have you talked to your girlfriend about it? It seems to me that if you love her and she loves you then this is the kind of thing you should be able to share. Explain the situation and how it's worse with her because she means such a lot to you. Don't be embarrassed about telling her. She'll be flattered that she has this effect! :-) Perhaps there's also an element of you feeling you need to impress her which is making you tense too. Remember you're a wonderful person as you are and she obviously likes you or she wouldn't still be around! Try to be yourself and don't worry about how she's seeing you. Telling her should make you feel less anxious when you're with her and I'm certain she'll be sympathetic.
You could also try choosing to see her in places where you feel less anxious. Sometimes if there's something else going on and other people around it's a distraction that will stop you worrying so much about how you're feeling, but I realise that won't always be possible!
The way we breathe can affect anxiety levels too. Try to be aware of your breathing when you're with her and take deep breaths to keep you calm. Another thing you can try is something called 'visualisation'. When you're on your own close your eyes, relax and imagine a situation in the past where you have been totally calm and confident. Envisage that situation in detail: the sights, sounds, smells, the way you felt. Do this for a couple of minutes and then press both thumbs and forefingers together. I know it sounds daft, but it works! After that, whenever you're feeling a bit anxious just press your thumbs and forefingers together and it will conjure up that feeling of confidence and calm. Remember: you are a great human being! Good luck.
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A
female
reader, chica +, writes (9 February 2007):
hey don't worry i've had a boyfriend with that same problem. see it's better to tell your girlfriend about this. if u guys are as seriuos and comtoble as u say then she will understand. you need to go to to the docter n your girl can come to support u. what happen to my boy n me is that he told about this problem he had like u'rs n i told him that we should go to the doctor asap. cuz it can get worse. when we went da doc told us dat it can be treated with some medication n therapy to. cuz in his head it seemed like he couldnt do 'it'. well now we do it up to three times in one night. well hope this helped
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