A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a real problem and it's time I admitted it. I’m obsessed with chatting to people on the internet. Before I met my 'now' wife I used to use the chatrooms on AOL and meet women. I would sometimes end up meeting them. I met my wife at university and all was good for the 3 years we were there. Since we moved in together and bought a house my addiction has become worse. I’m at the stage now where I’ll sneak off at night or go upstairs on the computer whilst she's watching TV and talk to females I’ve met online.Don’t get me wrong I never end up meeting people since we have been together, but the thrill of getting to know someone new, and getting them to talk about sex with me, and having the power over them to arrange meetings with them really does it for me. As I said, I don’t go through with the meetings, but I love the fact that they find me attractive enough to want to meet me for sex.I feel awful about it and need to stop. I went a month without any of this and felt much better in myself. I’ve slowly found myself getting fixated with it again and need help stopping. This morning I deleted all the profiles I have on social networking sites. Deleted MSN messenger off my computer and removed all the girls phone numbers and any ways of contacting them off my phone. I feel like a better person for it but need my change to be permanent. I needed to get this issue off my chest because it has been taking over my life, and I can only see it getting worse between me and my wife -which is the last thing I want as I love her to bits, and want to start a family soon.How can I stop, please help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Saj +, writes (27 August 2008):
You wont stop! trust me I know!
Youll create new accounts and will be back online in no time...
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (26 August 2008):
Well you are already doing well so keep doing what you are doing. Get real life friends and do things with your wife, get romantic so you can get HER to make you feel sexy.
You've deleted a lot of sites but here is a bit of a suggestion. Most internet packages now come with parental controls. They allow you to block sites. Set it up and get all the sites you visit to be blocked then get your wife to put in a password that you won't know. Just tell her you want to stop being addicted to facebook, you don't have to let her see all the sites you are blocking.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008): Not to be insensitive, but it sounds like you are addicted to the "thrill" of "meeting" these women and you probably enjoy and feel flattered at the conversations you have with them. The biggest problem with what you are doing is you are setting yourself up for disaster. You will never be fully emotionally or mentally available to your wife to work things out when you have these other people in your life and you are putting yourself at risk for an emotional or even physical affair.The only thing you can do is decide what is the most important thing. If you really love your wife but are going through a rough patch, the best thing you can do is try to think of activities you can do and enjoy together. Spend quality time. Not only will this strengthen you marriage, but it will keep you occupied and you may realize that being in these chatrooms is a waste of time. Keep yourself as busy as possible. Find another habit to substitute for the computer (for example, when the urge strikes, go for a jog) The fact that you've admitted having a problem is the first step in remedying it. If it continues to consume you, you may want to seek professional counseling to figure out why you just can't give it up.
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