A
male
age
36-40,
*rOveranalysing
writes:I've been seeing this girl for 5-6 weeks, meeting for a date every week. She had just come out of a painful breakup a year before. It was going quite well, she's very shy, reciprocating all my texts and kisses. But often not initiating it, I put this down passiveness. Anyway, even after all these weeks she was reluctant to go further than heavy petting/kissing. And after a couple of weeks away, this morning she sent me a text saying: ''Hi. I thought i'd better tell you before we meet up, i've been thinking, and i think i'd just like us to be friends. I dont really feel ready for anything more at the moment. if you dont want to meet today thats ok, but it would be really nice to see you.''I did really like her, but i got vibes that she was hesitant, and so prepared myself for her getting itchy feet, cos her friends had warned me too that she was still 'finding herself'. Now, what is the best way to respond? I obviously would like to see her, but if it is just to be friends from now on, i have other priorities that must come first. Is it worth persisting with her? How do you know when its worth taking a risk and remaining friends? Or is it naive to expect a relationship to blossom after what she's said?I'm thinking to text back a simple ''hey, i'm sad to hear, that but thanks for your frankness. no hard feelings. i'm going to give today a miss cos i need to do more writing for my dissertation. but text me in a couple of weeks if you still want to catch up, it would be nice to see you too''. This will give me some time to finish my work businesss, get out there and meet other girls, and also leave it open to her to initiate contact if she really wants to, and isn't just being nice/pitiful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008): Perfect reply to her! I think you really sounded genuine and respectful. You leave that door open should she want to see you sometime but you are not expecting too much. I like the fact that you said, you will get out and date other females. That shows, you bounce back easy, and that you have a lot of self-respect. In other words, you are in effect, moving on. The fact is, hun...she's not into dating or having a romantic relationship with you. And that is okay too. You can't make anyone do anything they are relunctant to do. Stay friends with her and let her see the wonderful you and who knows...maybe sparks will fly sometime. But just enjoy her as a good friend.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (26 August 2008):
I think she meant what she said. She just wants to be your friend.
If you want to be her friend then that's great, but don't expect anything more for a good long while. If what you want is a girlfriend then I think you should look elsewhere. Don't be her friend if you are going to get hurt or she's going to stop you from moving on.
Good Luck!! xx
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