A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've run into a bit of a snag due to some slightly contradicting phobias of mine. After deciding sex would be in our near future, my boyfriend and I discussed it a little. There seems to be a bit of an issue now, however, and I've gotten to the point where I'm almost ready to just run away from it for a while. I just don't know what to do.First off, I have a phobia of pregnancy. For the usual reasons of it being painful, a lot of work, just not being ready for it, etc. My sister was a teen pregnancy case, so I've seen how much of a pain in the rear it is. So, naturally, the solution would be, "Use a condom!"Which brings me to... my quite embarassing phobia... of condoms. I'm sure it sounds ridiculous. I've gotten mocked and made fun of by the few people that I've actually told. "That's impossible," "You're lying," "Oh you're scared of THAT?", and whatnot. One of my old friends used to practically torture me with them in my awkward anti-sexual teen phase, so I developed a psychological association between condoms and extreme discomfort to say the least. I get squeemish if I hold one in the package. I get nauseated if they're near me unwrapped. I'd probably lose it and vomit if I actually had one put inside of me. It's really awful, and I didn't ask for this kind of fear.I'd told my boyfriend a few weeks ago, and he understood fully at the time, at least.I have just recently gotten on the birth control pill, so that maybe this wouldn't be such an issue. I'm perfect in taking it, always at the same time each day, and I don't smoke and I rarely ever drink. For comfortability's sake, I'd not like to trust it to keep me from getting pregnant until I finish my second pack. I told my boyfriend this, and he said I shouldn't be so overcautious. Then when I brought up the "Well what if I do get pregnant?" issue, he said he didn't know, and that he's uncomfortable not using a condom now. Except, my condom phobia gets in the way of this...I feel bad because he was so confident before. He trusted that the pill would work, and now I've made him untrusting about it. I've gone and made him afraid of getting me pregnant, and I hate this. I don't quite know how to go about talking to him about things when the time comes, or how to make him feel comfortable with it again.If I do get pregnant and am not ready, I'll simply get an abortion (please don't judge me for this), but I'm not sure how he would feel about it.How should I talk to him about it all? How can I restore his confidence?Should I really be so overcautious about the pill?Is there any way to get over my stupid condom phobia that won't take forever?
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abortion, condom, confidence, the pill Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (21 March 2010):
 IUD's are not recommended if you haven't first had a child. They prefer not to give them to the teen's and 20year olds. The doctors prefer the implants and injections now.
A
female
reader, Luckie128 +, writes (20 March 2010):
searh: IUD
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (20 March 2010):
Takes to long to break a phobia, you need to either see a counsellor trained in phobia's or a hypnotherapist. Pick up something by Paul McKenna, hypnotist, he has techniques to get pass phobias and avoidance behaviour.
Your boyfriend will have to wait until the second packet. We are talking weeks not years here. If he can't wait, then what kind of boyfriend is he. After that you should be 98% safe if you are taking it properly.
You could also consider injections or implants. The injection is monthly, or the implant goes in and makes you safe from pregnancy for about 3years. Can be stopped or reversed at anytime, and dosen't affect your fertility. Contact your doctor or contraception provider who can give this instead.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010): Hey hun!
I have a suggestion that might help... get an IUD as well as taking your pill. My friend does that because shes not great at taking her pill, but it gives you double security of not getting pregnant.
Also, if you take the pill regularly as you say you do, there is almost no chance of you becoming pregnant. So I wouldnt worry about that aspect so much.
As for your boyfriend, you just need to be mature about it and discuss things wiht him... so that he understands, show him the evidence for how effective the pill is and about how you should use it.
As for the condom phobia, it will probably take a long time to get over, but on the other hand, a condom on an erect penis is something very different and almost un-noticable compared to a floppy condom that someone is flapping at you. So maybe if your bf just opened the condom and put it on quickly under the covers and then you didnt have to see it, it wouldnt bother you! :) Just an idea!
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