A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a lot of guy friends, and when we all get together we get really drunk. I usually end up having sex with one of them. I love my friends there my emotional support. I am starting to second-question that? I live with my roomate (who is guy) we have beem friends for 4 years and sometimes I have sex with him to. They all know it's just they don't really do anything, Are they just taking adavantage of me? Like when I lost my virginity all I remember is lots of beer and vodka and waking up on a couch next to one of my friends (who is a guy I'am not a lesbian). I just need some advice and know if I should get rid of this party lifestyle I have like start over. Plus I'am scared of getting aids or something, they all use protection, but still.
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aids , drunk, lesbian, lost my virginity Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007): As a 25 yr old female with the same problem yes they are using you and you need to find that empty space in your life and fill it fast! I also have a problem with alcohol and sex and i feel like an absolute whore. My ex and i broke up a year ago and ive been searching for someone to replace him but nobody will want u if that rep about you gets out. You are still young please realize this isnt the life 2 live! You will lose respect from everyone. My ex told me 2day how he cant look at me the same he has seen me at the bar in action and when im sober im a different person. We both have a serious problem that needs to be treated. Im working on myself u do the same,no more booze! Good luck 2 ya
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 January 2007):
 Your life is totally out of control. You need professional help my dear. Make an appointment with a therapist immediately. You may want to make some new friends as well since the ones you now have suck. Pick up the phone and good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): You need to get some female friends and lay off the drink a bit. Yes they are taking advantage of you. They must all think their birthdays have come at once. Drink and guys are a dangerous mix. Please respect yourself and your body and stop this lifestyle right now before you end up with a STD or worse, discover you are infected with HIV.
Take care
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): Well Ms. Anon is allowing the situation for her friends to engage in sexual activities with her to happen. First and foremost, is there a reason why she NEEDS to get drunk? Whatever happened to responsible drinking? Oh wait, that doesn't really exist in this person's daily vocabulary.
[sighs]
In this matter, YOU are allowing them to use you. This isn't a one-way street. If you are so afraid or so worried about this, the most PRUDENT thing to NOT do is [drum roll] - NOT GET DRUNK.
Hmmm... How difficult is that? Ever heard of moderate social drinking instead of drink to get drunk? I seriously don't understand that.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (16 January 2007):
Hey there,
It sounds to me like your male friends are taking advantage of you, which is sad that they would do that. However if you are upset about the thought of loosing them as friends as you said they are your emotional support then you dont have to cut them off just because of this. Instead you could stop drinking or drink responsibily. Dont get so drunk that you have NO control over yourself that way they dont have the opportunity to take advantage of you. You could also try talkign to them about it and tell them to not have sex with you when drunk because thats taking advantage of you as you are out of control. But please...u cant blame this on alcohol...although it makes you out of control in the situation of having sex...you make the chocie to drink and how much of it. So you are in control so you can do something about this. good luck and hope u work it out.
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A
female
reader, vina_101  +, writes (16 January 2007):
 Let me start off by saying that you might not like what I have to say and I will try and be tactful here:
Why are you sleeping with all these guys? Do you have a low self esteem? Do you need to have sex with different guys to know that you are desireable and wanted? Do you need to get drunk to enjoy life? I really hope not. You know that this lifestyle is no good for you. I would advise that from now on you should drink responsibly and stop letting alcohol make decisions for you. I think that your male friends are indeed taking advantage of you and that's a real shame. There is more to life than getting drunk and having sex. I mean sure its fun but the after effects are definately not. Since you believe your male friends care for you so much then maybe one day when you are all sober you should have a talk with them and tell them how you are feeling about the whole thing and see what they say. Ask them what they think of you.
I don't want to be judgemental but I don't think it's good that you are sleeping with so many different guys even if they are your friends. They might be slagging you off behind your back. Why? Because they lack respect for you. They may see you as just the girl they have sex with who hangs around with them. To be completely honest I wouldn't have any respect for a girl who gets drunk and has sex with her many male friends. It would be a real shame if your so called 'friends' saw you in this negative way but that's the image you are putting out and that's the impression that I got from reading this post.
Try and see if your male friends are genuine and stop getting drunk with them. Stop hanging out with them for a little while.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): First of all i think you shud stop living this lifestyle!!! This may sound harsh but it is really slutty and i doubt any of your 'mates' hav any respect for you. Another thing to think about is if you meet a guy you really like (in terms of you want a relationship) chances are he will be put off by the fact you sleep with your half your mates. I kno for sure i wud never go out with a girl that did this!!!
Its good that you have realised what you are doing. My advice reduce the amount you drink and dont sleep with any of your "mates" agian. sorry to be blunt but its the only way.
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (16 January 2007):
Yes, these guys are using you. How do you feel about that? You don't seem to be too upset by it, you are questioning whether you should or not, but your letter gives the feeling that you didn't mind having sex with them. If you didn't like it, you wouldn't want to keep going out and getting drunk with them all the time. Is that the case?
It seems like they have been using you, and you have been using them too. Part of you probably wanted to sleep with them, you are young and discovering sex and relationships and emotions that go with them. And you are starting to question your "friends" and your feelings. That is good. Maybe you don't want to use your friends for sex, and maybe you don't want them to use you for sex either. Maybe you don't want friends who are only friends with you because you will sleep with them, maybe you want friends who will be there for you without you having to sleep with them. Maybe you would like to have a boyfriend who will love you for who you are, and someone who you can love too, so having a partner you have sex with, but with something deeper too.
Do you think you have sex with these boys because you want them to like you, or you seek attention from them? Maybe you just love sex. I can't answer these questions, but these are things for you to think about. Decide what you like, and what kind of person you would like to be.
Please also keep in mind, if you are having sex, stuff like pregnancy, STD's, and emotions go with it, and if you are getting blind drunk and having sex with lots of random guys, you have little control of what is happening to you. To be honest, it can be a recipe for disaster, and you should be concerned about it. Know the risks, and choose who you want to be, how you want to behaive, and how you want to live your life. Don't be afraid to take on some discipline and control in your behaviour, you might come to appreciate it.
Good luck.
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