A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I've been dating this girl for a few months now I just have a gut feeling something is wrong. I do have some trust issues and paranoia from past problems but they aren't as bad as they used to be. She's always getting facebook notifications but wont look at them when I'm around.She also has a few of her ex's on there to but when I asked about it she said she didn't know why, that they were they just were. She says she can see us getting married and having a family in the future, which is a bit forward, but also kind of sweet. Also when I'm really cute sometimes she is too, and recently its been like talking to a brick wall. Am i just being an idiot or is there a problem?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2014): If you're admittedly prone to paranoia and have trust issues, you're also cognizant of that. If you want to be in a relationship; that is going to demand a lot of self-control on your part.
It may be a challenge for you to differentiate when you're yielding to your unfounded fears and insecurities; and if your concerns have real merit. You may feel this way in each and every relationship you have with women. You may be expecting more from her, than she can offer someone with your issues.
I think you should base your feelings on solid evidence; and try not to overreact to guys sending her messages. The last thing you want to do is be accusatory; when she cannot control who wants to give her attention. You say she wouldn't open their messages when you're around; probably not, if it seems to upset you that she even got them.
When being with her begins to push you too close to the edge; then you may not be ready for someone as popular and as outgoing as she is. You may not be ready for a relationship; until you get your paranoia under control.
It is likely you may overreact when any female you're with gets attention from other men. It's a little difficult to judge people by their social-media appeal; because people randomly make inappropriate comments, flirt, or make unwanted passes. That doesn't mean she is encouraging her exes to come on to her. They may only be messing with your head, because you're her jealous new boyfriend.
If your suspicions are reaching a level that is causing you to feel anxiety; then follow your gut, and let her go.
It isn't worth hanging on to someone who constantly makes you feel suspicious, or whom you can't trust. Only in your case, you have to wonder how much of it may just be your trust issues?
I would take the marriage-talk as cute and being playful, but not much more than that.
As for receiving too much chatter from her exes? As her current boyfriend; speak-up about that. Just don't take a threatening or demanding tone or stance about it. You do deserve respect,and she should be aware of how it makes you feel.
I'm not clear about your feeling that talking to her, is like talking to a wall. If you've tried to discuss how you feel, and she ignores that; then it's your choice not to stress on it, and end the relationship.
Do you think you're being fair about it?
You really can't control her, or tell her how to choose her friends. If she doesn't care about your feelings, stop wasting your time with her. Dump her and move on.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 July 2014):
 A paranoid person will always be preparing for a crisis and looking for a problem that's probably not there. You are not the type to be controlling or tell her to get rid of facebook. that's good. You haven't mention any specific problem, other than the fact that she uses facebook and maybe talks to her exes too. When you worry, it's always something in the future. Nothing has happened so just try to focus on the present moment. You might think there is a problem because one day she is sweet and on another day she is not as sweet. Being realistic no one can act the same way every day. We have our moods and those days. It doesn't have to be anything wrong. Let me guess what that "brick wall" was. You were acting weird and she was picking up dark energies from you and wanted to avoid them at all cost. Paranoia is a serious issue and should not be dismissed as just being an idiot. It is often overlooked and because it is unseen, people don't know what it is and how it originates. It is important that you let her know sometimes you worry over nothing and facebook can be a trigger for your fears. You just want an explanation why she didn't bother to delete her exes. It's too quick to mention marriage, you need to build a solid connection and trust that she wants nothing to do with her exes. Paranoia sometimes serves a purpose to make us more vigilant. I think you have the right to ask if she's completely moved on from her exes, and if she's still talking to them, what does she get from that, just to get a peace of mind.
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