A
male
age
41-50,
*ebow82
writes:I've been with my girlfriend for about 8 months. Last night she invited her old friend who used to be her drug dealer over to my home to watch a football game. Basically the three of us were just drinking and having a good time down in the basement. She smokes weed occasionally, and even though she knows that I dont do any drugs whatsoever besides alcohol, she talked me into taking some hits. Her and her friend were also giving me shots and mixed drinks. I however didnt drink too heavily but the weed was messing with me. At one point she got upset with me and I couldnt understand why. She and I went upstairs and I tried sweet talking to her to get her to tell me what was wrong, and moments later she demanded that I go to bed and went downstairs with her friend. I couldnt sleep and had this horrible feeling in my gut. I had my phone next to me, and got a friend request and an angry message from her cousin regarding something she posted on facebook. I went down to talk to her about it and she was laying in a fetal position covered in a blanket with him sitting in on the floor next to her. I had no idea what I did that was so terrible, and tried asking her about it. She said that I tried to choke her! I had never laid a hand on her before in any such way for I was brought up to never hurt a lady, and I strongly stick by that. I was never even really angry at any point, just maybe a little desperate for an explanation of why she was upset. There was something really strange that didnt add up about the two of them. She said that i probly didnt realize what i was doing when i did it. They both strangely seemed too calm considering what she said had happened. Her friend told me he knew a lot about relationships and said i should just go sleep it off. They both just seemed like they wanted me to go away. So i went back upstairs to bed, and of course couldnt sleep with the horrible feeling i had. There was no noise coming from down there for a long while, then i heard them both talking and laughing again. I went back down again and this time she got up and held me for a moment and we both went back upstairs and she layed with me. I was still feeling terrible so i went in another room and slept in a couch. I got up this morning and told her that I want it to work out between us but i had failed and i think we should split up. I told her i was going to tell her parents everything and ask them to let her move back with them. She started getting mad and saying that i dont care about her and i just said that i dont want her here anymore and she could probably tell i was hurt. She surprisingly got up and held me again and started talking about stuff like it was all good again. I still feel like she may have been messing around with him and might even b planning to leave me for him. Am I just being a jealous jerk or is my gut right?
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cheated on me, cousin, drugs, facebook, jealous, smokes, split up Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2011): There is no possible way to break up with her without hurting her, the end of a relationship always hurts. If you want to end your relationship with her, just be honest and tell her that it's over. You don't know for sure something happened, it could have I don't now, but if you can't trust her and can't bring yourself to be intimate with her, then yes it's time to end it for good. I am sorry that your feeling so hurt. I personally wouldn't end a relationship over this incident alone, as nothing may have happened at all. But if you truly feel something happened and you can't get past it, then it's time to end it. I wish you the best of luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2011): You both are hurting each other by staying and being verbally abusive, emotionally abusive.
So don't make the excuse you don't want to hurt her. You stay, resentment will build, the trust is already shot, her history nags at you, THE DRUGS alone is not a healthy reason to stay.
End it.
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A
male
reader, Debow82 +, writes (24 December 2011):
Debow82 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your input everyone. I should add some things. Shortly after I first met her, she told me that she used to be a hoe and that shes done being a hoe. I was pretty well convinced because she also told me about all the emotional stress she was through, how she got cheated on and tried to kill herself and spent time in a ward. Of course I feel for her and expect her to be a little unstable at times, but there were times when she snapped at me for almost no reason, and I was hurt so bad that I asked her to leave several times, and she even threatened to grab her stuff and leave, but instead she would just keep yelling at me until i gave up and we would be back together again. I talked to her about that night and she says that nothing happened, but I have trouble believing her. I just have this horrible feeling that she and her friend think i'm stupid and just did what they did thinking ill never know and its no big deal. I have done so much for her and am feeling extremely hurt, and have been reluctant to have sex with her ever since then. I think i want out of the relationship but i dont know how to end it without hurting her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2011): He was finger banging her when you came down the first time, and then when you went back upstairs they had sex. She's playing you she should be hanging around that guy at all. Be glad that it's your house and not her's and kick her out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2011): Drugs can make you paranoid, so before making any decisions, wait a couple days until the side affects wear off, then make your decision. As for telling her parents everything, that's very immature of you, they are not your parents and you don't have a right to tell her parents anything about what has gone on, that is for her to do and tell them what she wants them to know about what happened. You need time to get the drugs out of your system, so you can think clearly. Whatever you decide to do, act like an adult and work it out between the both of you, and let her deal with her parents and telling them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2011): You should sit down with her and ask her to give you every detail of that night. Exactly as much as she can so you can try and piece together what matches your memory and what you have forgotton happened. Also then you can try and see if her explanation seems true or if you still think she might be making it up.
You should be inclined to take her word for it. You had used drugs and drank alcohol, paranoia is one of the most common side effects of cannabis that you smoked last night and today you feel she's cheated. Bit of a coincidence?
All I am saying is you admit to never using drugs so your body is not used to it and any doubt you may have had will have come to the surface. For every high there must be a time to come back down and so these feelings are magnified again because you will be coming down. You can't know for certain what happened. I sincerely hope you didn't hurt your girlfriend but this experience will hopefully make you even more certain not to touch drugs in the future.
Give yourself 48 hours to get back to normal, drink plenty or water and eat well to sort your mind back out. Once you are back to yourself again would be the best time to chat to her. Let her try and explain the evening and the events might make more sense. If you still think something might have happened between them, even after thinking it over, ask her directly and give her the chance to admit to it.
Her reaction to you telling her she should leave seems like she genuinely wants to be with you and make things better. If she wanted to be with the other guy, when you told her to leave she surely would have agreed and left you because she'd be free for him. But she's told you she wants to make things alright so I think you have a really good chance at this working. It's just getting over how you feel now but hopefully you and her can talk things over and come out ok. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2011): Trust your gut. Why even date someone who does drugs when you don't and shouldn't? That incident isn't worth repeating.
I say end it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2011): Seriously, seriously... you're hung over right now and everything seems terrible! You are in no fit state to make any kind of decision about a relationship.
You really have no evidence for thinking your girlfriend cheated. You're being paranoid (possibly a side-effect of the hits you took). What's more it sounds like YOU owe HER an apology for the way you behaved when you were stoned. I can well believe that you're horrified with yourself, but you have no reason to doubt her word that you were violent, since you cannot remember what you did or how you behaved. Let this be a bit of a lesson not to overdo it so much in future!
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A
female
reader, wanderlust92 +, writes (20 December 2011):
Not to be a dick, but weed can make you seriously paranoid and it sounds like that's what happened to you. I've known a few people who have "tweaked out" the first time they tried weed. Some of them just completely lose it and lose control of themselves and get really upset and incredibly paranoid.
Stay away from the drugs for a little while and keep your eyes and ears open, but I wouldn't leave her from this one "incident" alone.
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