A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Could really use some help here. I just started a new job and came across the most beautiful girl I have ever met. The problem is that she is in a relationship with another man. The thing is that she has been in this relationship for over four years and she wants to get out but she doesn't know how to. She is 27 and does not love the guy she is with but is to afraid to break up with him because she doesn't want to hurt him. She lives with him in his parents house and has nowhere to go if she were to break up. She expressed to me the situation she was in only after knowing her for a couple days. We have got along great so far and have already been out to lunch with her once. We do not work in the same work place, but rather are part of an organization where we see each other once or twice a week. I feel I may be out of place to ask her out, but is something that I really want to do. I have a guilt riding on my conscience about trying to take someone away from someone else! It just does not seem right. I am stuck and do not know what to do! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): all these sound good and what I was planning on doing.... Though would I be out of place to ask her out on a date? Rebound or no rebound... I dont care!!! This women is amazing!!!
A
male
reader, Wombat  +, writes (2 February 2010):
Up to you, but based on my experience....
When I was in high school, a fumbling youth, there was a beautiful girl in my year that I sortov took out, but too young for it to go anywhere. A few years later, I bumped into a stack of friends and there was this same girl with one of the guys we went to school with. I never thought much of him, but as they were together, did nothing. What an ass I was, they finished up having a lousy marriage and I did not get to see her again for a long time. She always occupied part of my heart.
Long story, she married and so did I, we both had kids and both finished up divorced before we met again. After a school reunion, she called, we had dinner and now we are totally head over heels and regret all the years we missed out on, all the children we should have had together but are so happy we are together at last.
Go for it mate, don't make the same mistake I did!
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A
female
reader, sltaylor +, writes (2 February 2010):
 Just kinda ride it out. This is a difficult situation. You DO NOT want to be the rebound guy. You can provide a shoulder to cry on and ears to listen but just be a friend to her right now. And if she breaks up with this guy then also give her time to sort thru it. I mean, she has invested some years in this relationship so she definitely has strong feelings for the man that shes living with. Im also a believer in karma so put yourself in the her guys shoes. You wouldnt want any other man trying to swoop in on your lady just because you guys are having problems, right? But whatever you decide to do, I hope it makes you happy. Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (2 February 2010):
 If she's told you all of this. Then the best thing you can do is be her friend and support her. She will really appreciate that from you especially from a guy she can trust.
I would not snatch her away just yet because what likley will happen is she'll rebound off you and you will be the one who ends up getting hurt the most. Especially if she starts to miss him. What ever you do, always know that what goes around does come around - it will come back to you some way some place or another.
Keep talking to her about him and that situation only if she brings it up with you. I think she already knows you like her so just keep being her mate and she will love you for it.
Soon if its ending, she will ask for your help and you will be there for her when she needs it ... When, if, it breaks up with them and she's moving out and well over it she'll need somone strong to help her, and then, only then you can pop a kiss on her.
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