A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi reader.I'm in a situation that I would like to ask advice about. I will keep it simple. I have a girlfriend. Been together for 1.5 years. I also have a major crush with another girl at work. I don't know what to do. The crush won't go I have had it for long time. Should I tell my girlfriend about this crush? Should I quit my job and work elsewhere? Should I go out with this crush? What to do please. Does it matter if I love my gf?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2014): First make sure you don't cheat. At the moment you might be emotionally cheating which is inappropriate. Speaking from personal experience you might want to discuss the situation with your girlfriend. When I was in college I developed a huge crush on this man. He was new and interesting and we had everything in common. However, I was in a relationship with a man I had been dating for 3 years. I felt guilty over the situation. I found myself trying to spend time with my crush more and more. I liked him as a person and he was a good friend. But I loved my boyfriend. I never acted on anything with the crush. I explained my feelings to my boyfriend. He's not the jealous type at all. He was understanding although worried. After that I distanced myself from my crush and focused again on my long term relationship. We dated six years before getting married.It all depends on what's more important to you. Your girlfriend or the crush. Can you imagine your girlfriend with another man? Does that idea hurt? Because if you go after the crush that is what will happen.I doubt quitting your job is an option. Just focus on your girlfriend (if that's what you want) and avoid the crush. Telling your girlfriend is up to you. I told my boyfriend, although I knew he wouldn't really be bothered, and he helped me through it.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 June 2014):
 I'll likewise keep it simple.
How would you feel if your girlfriend harbored a crush on another man? You'd want her to choose, right?
Well, that's where you are now. You either stay with your girlfriend, or you leave her and go out with your crush. There is no hedging bets and there is no cheating, emotional or otherwise. If you're carrying on with your crush outside of work, texting, talking, emailing, having lunches, talking intimately or flirting, then you're already cheating on your girlfriend.
If you do choose your girlfriend, then yes, you CAN kill your crush. Your feelings haven't gone away because you don't want them to. You may say you do, but your long glances, your thinking about her, your obsessing over her, the way you think about her whenever you and your girlfriend get into an argument, that all feeds into it.
You kill the crush by avoiding her, having mental discipline. Whenever she pops into your head, you forcibly eject her from it. Ignore her, when he talks to you, become very dull and distant, and treat her professionally as if she were someone who would fire you for being too familiar at work.
That's another thing to consider - inter-office relationships jeopardize your livelihood. They are unprofessional at best and can get you to lose your job at worst, especially when you find out the universal truth that having isn't as fun as wanting.
So choose, but don't carry on with both of them. That isn't fair to your girlfriend.
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