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male
,
anonymous
writes: I am 23 year old male and in a position of authority at work. I have never been in a relationship and have very little experience. Recently I have developed a huge crush on a younger 19 year old male colleague. He is straight. Is it wrong to declare my feelings to him considering I am in a position of authority over him (even though he sees me as a friend?) I am worried that i might scare him away and discourage him from continuing his part time job is he feels uncomfortable around me. But I also feel at a loss with what to do with these feelings i have. Please help x
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): Just Tell Him.... Maybe he'll feel the same way
A
male
reader, gogoboy +, writes (25 September 2006):
Dear X.
This is not a problem. The best thing you can do is not tell him. You don't have to tell him. Just be innocent and naive. More times than not he'll probably come to you.
If there's this chemistry, it might fall both ways. Let Bambi wander into your forrest. Patience is the key.
If it happens, it happens. And as we say, the only difference between a straight man and a gay man is a six pack. Haven't you ever heard the song, "If I were Gay" by Stephen Lynch. Listen to it, I'm sure you'll get a kick out of it.
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A
male
reader, Zabadack +, writes (7 January 2006):
Don't tell him. people say not to keep things bottled up but to be honest.. it's a huge pile of BS, by telling him you like him you'll just make things uncomfortable at work.
What do you think will happen? you think he's going to suddenly jump up and shout "i'm gay and proud"? all that will happen is he'll feel bad, you'll feel bad and you'll lose a friend.
Imagine a woman who's made friends with you at work asking you out.. how would you feel?
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A
female
reader, .s.  +, writes (6 January 2006):
 this must be a really hard situation for you and i have been in it myself when i was in school.my advise for you to get your self to a bar or a club and find someone who can return those feelings it will be tough at first if thinking that theres a chance you could of had a relationship but if he is straight then it was never to be and its not worth risking a friendship over .all the best .s.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (5 January 2006):
 If you're sure he's straight, then do try to think of it from his point of view, and hold your tongue: He's 19, probably not all that experienced in the world, and his boss is (effectively) coming on to him.
At the very least it's going to make him uncomfortable. At the worst, you could theoretically be guilty of sexual harassment.
What you could do, perhaps, is invite him and your other subordinates out for pizza and beer (or something similar) one evening, making the get-together a fun "work do". You can then get to know all of your subordinates a little better. If there's any reciprocal interest from him, then it's a chance for him to show it. (Of course, you have to remember to show the same attention to everyone on the night, naturally.)
However, I really think it's going to be a bad idea to tell him that you're attracted. The admission could make him tense and uncomfortable, simply because knowing that adds a new dimension of pressure to his working relationship with you. Particularly if he's straight.
Speaking from experience, you can survive even a "huge crush" on a co-worker. It does go away, usually as you get to know that person better and especially if you find yourself attracted to someone else. And *that's* what you should be aiming for: finding a person who has a good chance of appreciating you and returning your affection.
Take care!
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