A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have just started seeing this guy and things are going well. We have met a few times now and the dates have been going out for dinner, a walk along the beach and the last one was he made me dinner at his. Physically, things have happened but we haven't had sex. He says he is fine waiting and would never make me do anything I didn't want to do. I don't know why, but I have a small fear that if we do have sex, it could be the end of our relationship. I've had a bad past with men and this is all they are looking for. So now, I have the fear that he just wants that too. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2017): You have the right to wait as long as you want. It sounds like you need this longer wait right now.
But he has the right to run out of patience. No guy likes working twice as hard because you didn't make other guys work hard enough. It is neither this guy's fault nor his problem.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 August 2017):
 I agree.
First of all a little home truth... EVERYONE (almost) wants sex. Doesn't' mean you have to have sex with everyone you meet, right?
TAKE your time getting to know him. Like YouWish said, have your DATES away from each other's homes.
If he IS pressuring you for sex (even though he said he would wait) then walk away now. THAT is a red flag.
If he is NOT pressuring you, NOT constantly bringing up sex as jokes or topics you are heading down a good path with him. If he is as good as his word in being willing to wait, THAT is good.
Don't HAVE sex till you are ready. If that takes you 3-4-5-6 months then so be it. If the guy likes you he will wait for you to be ready. If he is just looking for sex, well then he probably won't wait around for you to be ready.
Why would sex be the end? In your mind that is?
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A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (1 August 2017):
When the time comes, and you feel it's the right time, it will happen.
Every couple has it's own pacing, some do it on the first date, others wait a long while like I did. If your partner is really into you, he will be patient enough, but no one will wait forever though.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 August 2017):
 Don't have sex until you're ready! AND -- don't have dates in compromising places, meaning don't go over to his house or have him over to yours. Keep the lights on wherever you go, and keep the talking subjects AWAY from sexuality!
You just started seeing the guy! You don't have to go from zero to sex right away. Be honest with him about how you feel, and let the relationship progress.
Why do you believe sex would be the end of the relationship? Has he been talking about it a lot? Has he been pushing for physicality? He said he'd wait, so that's a good sign!
He also made you dinner at his house. Doing HOME dates are the most "dangerous" of them all, because it's very easy to get carried away in a home. The more you relax with him, the more you will want to with him.
Sex will NOT be the end of your relationship, because you're doing things the right way. If he's talking to you about YOU, and if he's interested in you as a person, then you're already 3/4 of the way there.
BTW, I'm curious -- what did you eat for dinner that he made you, and is he a good cook? :D That will say a LOT about his personality and intentions, so let me know!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (1 August 2017):
 The only way to know it's not the only thing he's after is if you wait a few months before doing sexual things. Making out is okay, but beyond that is what many people are after, even if they pretend they aren't or aren't forthcoming about it.
Don't worry about it now, as it's new, so just don't have any nude interactions for a while. Keep dating, but keep the physical stuff PG for now. If he sticks around for 3+ months without sex/foreplay, it's unlikely he only wants sex.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (1 August 2017):
 Well your only options are to break things off now or just take the plunge and stay with him and when you're ready to have sex with him then you will see his next move.
You can't go through life thinking every man is the same or you'll end up very lonely. It sucks that some people are only interested in sex but there never going to be up front about that so you're never going to know that.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (1 August 2017):
 Well he has told you he is prepared to wait, so sex is not the only thing he is looking for. Anyway you have sex when you both want to. It isn't some perk you hand out if the rest of the arrangement is going well. Just try and relax and enjoy being in his company. I'm sure you will know if and when the time is right.
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