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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been in my current serious relationship for over a year and a half and i do care about my partner but recently my ex whom i still have strong feelings for has asked me back (We split up because he was going away to university). I'm confused. My closest friends say i should just go do what makes me happy but it isn't as simple as that as whatever my decision someone will get hurt. Is there any way to avoid that? What should i do?
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female
reader, JJanswers +, writes (11 February 2006):
 hi, When i had a differcult decition in my life, my mum would always tell me to follow my heart and be true to what i feel. Chances are that your boyfriend wont mind and understand or he could actually have an idea of whats going on and be willing to talk it over with you about it. i'm going to give you thesame advise, follow our heart and if its ur new bf you want, dont string your new bf along, talk to him. i hope this has helped.
A
female
reader, Sarah C- happy to help +, writes (8 February 2006):
I dont think that there is anyway you could avoid someone getting hurt!! Just figure out what you want in a relationship and find out which of these two lads meets them needs. The most important things is your happiness, never be secretive to your boyfriend be honest and upfront.
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A
female
reader, Listerning Angel +, writes (8 February 2006):
No im affraid there is know way that you can solve this without someone getting hurt. I have been in this situation myself. I went back with my ex partner and had to finish with the person i was with at the time, he got very hurt through the process. But if you have strong feelings for your ex then i don't think its fare that you keep the one you are with hanging on to you. You need to be straight with him so that he can move on and eventually find someone that has feelings for him. It will hurt him but in time he will be over it getting on with his life and will be pleased that you were honest with him. And also i just think the same as your friends if the ex is the one that will make you happy go for it, just some other advice if there is any bad feelings from the past that may have split you up, try to keep them in the past where they belong. If you don't it will cause you alot more problems.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (8 February 2006):
 To be blunt I cant see any way in which nobody will get hurt. Sorry. But when choices of these types are involved somebody is always going to be rejected and so get hurt.As a decent, caring person you obviously dont want to hurt anybody but sadly that option isn't avalible. Here it is worth remembering maxims about sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.
Having said that, if you are open and honest about all involved about how you are feeling that might cushion the blow a little. Your friend is kinda right. You have to make a hard-headed choice about what you want and what will make you happy and then act on and stick to that decision. Take your time and think carefully before you go either way. Hope that helps, good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2006): do you love your current parnter? you didnt say you love him, just that you 'care' for him? I seem to get a feeling that you got with your current parner because you didnt want to be alone after your ex ended your relationship? I think you should think about that before you make a decsion. Did your ex decide against uni in the end? It is a very tricky situation and there is no way around hurting one of them, the best thing to do is to be honest. You do need to do what makes you happy, there is no point in living a lie. good luck xx
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