A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have had a huge crush on my boss for the past seven months but have not done anything about it. I joke with him as I do with the other employees at work but I don't flirt with him because I know that a relationship with the boss is not appropriate. He may be fired soon for something he did wrong. He actually called me into his office to express his concern about this possibility. Now I don't know how to approach him on how I feel about him. I think if I don't say anything I will regret it. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): This took a while for me to think about. I am actually surprised at how many of the confidence steps I have already conquered. I have made a lot of progress in this area over the past couple of years even if I couldn’t define that it was confidence I was gaining. I have already learned to forgive myself when I make mistakes and to forgive others for their faults as well. I am not naïve. I don’t believe that I can change people nor would I want to. I have accepted that the world is made up of all kinds of people. In the case of my boss, I know he’s not perfect. I have seen some of his negative traits and he has done some things at work that have required me forgiving him, and I have. I have not been a perfect angel either. I have certain habits that I wish to change about myself and have made huge strides towards.
I lack in decision making skills and my direction in life is still fuzzy. I graduated from college with an accounting degree; I went into it for a while and determined I hated it! Now I am in a position that I like but the disadvantage is it does not pay well. One of my biggest struggles right now is finding that career that I love and pays well enough to live comfortably. I am sure this must be an issue for many.
Though I like to believe that I have an attractive appearance, I know that to some I will and to some I won’t and I am fine with that. There are traits in myself that I hope others see and find to be good qualities. I have had issues with depression for a greater portion of my adult life. Sometimes I have trouble seeing the good qualities in myself because of this. I sat down and thought about it a while back when reading on of Dr. Phil’s books and have determined which qualities I want others to see in me. I consider myself to be kind, compassionate, intelligent, humorous, at times, reliable, and trustworthy. I hope that these traits are reflected in my personality.
In thinking about what I want in a mate, I actually bought Dr. Phil’s book Love Smart. This has helped me define what I am looking for in a relationship. In the case of my boss, I don’t know everything about him. He has demonstrated kindness, patience in some very stressful situations, and he has shown me that he has a sense of humor. These are all qualities that I look for. He does not meet every quality I look for but to find this person would be impossible.
Do I love him? I think it would be going a little far to say this. Part of me wants to say yes but there is a voice in the back of my mind that says I have to get to know him on a more intimate level to know this. I think love has varying degrees, and I might be at the early stages of it. I do care about him and his well being. I don’t know whether or not it would be selfish for me to express these feelings for him when he leaves the company. Is it realistic to think that we could be together? Right now, I can’t bare the thought of it not being a possibility.
On another note…In reading your profile and some of the comments you wrote to others, it seems that your wife is a very lucky woman. To have a husband be that devoted in this day and age is a rare quality to find. I never really thought about what love truly means. This is something I will be thinking about for a long time to come. Congratulations on keeping off the weight!!! I know so many people who yoyo because they can’t seem to adopt a lifestyle change.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): I know he likes me as a person but I really don't know if he "likes" me in that way. He likes to joke around with me but as my boss he has never crossed that boundry which is a good thing. Honestly, I would probably lose respect for him if he did. I don't want you to think that every thing we say to each other is happy either. We've both have our days where we argue over one thing or another about the way the company is run. I get so mad at him sometimes. Despite this, I am still attracted to him.In terms of self confidence, I have social aniexty disorder but at work itself, it doesn't really affect me. I am confident in the work that I do and the guests all seem to like my service. I get along great with the other employees as well. In the environment that he sees me in I am confident in myself. As for the attractiveness, I'm getting there. Most people don't find an overweight woman to be attractive. I still have some weight to lose but I can honestly say I am starting to look more attractive. Men have started hitting on me more. Sometimes it takes a third party to point it out to me though. So I guess you can say I am a little clueless to when men are hitting on me which is why I am not sure if he likes me like that. I know men are usually more direct but in a work environment you have to be careful with how direct you are! As for the weight loss, I have asked myself that same question. I don't know if I will be able to maintain my weight loss if the relationship does not happen. I would like to say yes because it sounds good but this is a question I have asked myself as well. I know its important to continue down the path I am going and I have truely tried to make this a lifestyle change. Every now and then something happens in my life and I find myself reverting back to old habbits, which scares me. For now though, I concentrate on the fact that when I do find myself slipping I am able to find my way back to the healthier lifestyle that I began developing seven months ago.Do you think it would be okay to start an out of work friendship with my boss or is this crossing the line as well? If so how to I go about initiating this without sounding to direct. I know a sexual relationship is out of the question, but I know he has been going through a lot lately and it kind of hurts that I can't be there for him. He called me in to his office and expressed his concern for the possibility of being fired. I know he did not call any other employees in to express this concern. (I casually asked some of the employees without revealing any real detail) Was he reaching out to me a little or am I reading to much in to it? As for the less about him and more about me thing...This has definately been a life altering experience for me. I seriously have not had feelings for anyone in nearly 10 years. Late teens to early twenties was the last time I truely had feelings for someone. I have had a lot happen in my life that has made life unbearable at times. Sex and relationships were not my top priority mostly because acting happy around people really sucked. People want to be around happy people and I was not happy. Now I don't know what to do with these feelings I have for him. I spent several months trying to deny that I had feelings for him. I spent more time asking myself why him??? When I first met him, I hated him. I got along very well with the former owners/boss so when the change happened it took me by surprise.( I did not take to the change very well. The best answer I came up with, was he makes me laugh which not many people do, and I can relate to some of his goals for life. Sometimes he says things that I have not fully understood about myself. When he says it, it clicks in to place. This is the first time I fell for my boss though. I was never the type to have crushes on the teacher, boss etc.I realize I just wrote you a book but I appreciate the advice if you have anymore. On a final note, I have had other men hit on me but I have a one track mind (dangerous, I know) but I am fixed on him for now despite how complicated this has made my life. Thank you in advance.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): I of course do not hope that he is dismissed from the company and the reason he may be let go has more to do with the downturn in the economy then his performance directly. This is the first man I have felt this way about in over ten years. I actually decided to lose weight in hopes of attracting him. (so far over fifty pounds) He is about ten years older than me, but my motivation comes from the fact that he will eventually not be my boss. I knew this from the beginning. The company I work for changes ownership and bosses every two years without fail. My job isn't that great. I like it alot but the fact is I would be willing to change jobs if I thought I had a future with him. I would not express my feelings while he is my boss, but I don't know how to approach him if something does happen to him. I fear that I will not get to him in time if he is fired. I do like the idea of asking for his personal number just in case I find a new job for him. The fact remains that I have no real clue if he likes me. He jokes with me and makes me laugh but that is a part of his personality. I refuse to give him any real signs that I like him because I don't believe in the work relationship. I know it spells disaster. I just need to know how to set it up for the period in time when he is no longer my boss. I could settle on friendship first. This isn't just sexual, I have found that I have real feelings for him.
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A
female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (23 August 2009):
 Do you think he feels the same way?
Tell him, what's the point in having regrets x
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