| A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I've realized that having a deep crush on a lesbian is a very painful thing. Sometimes I wish she was just a girly girl.I don't know how to get over this. I think I expected too much as a friend. But hey I can't help it. She's still a girl to me when I look at her.Do you think it would look very awkward if I gain the courage to tell her what I really feel?
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male
reader, El Dente  +, writes (25 February 2008):
 I was in a similar position to you...
I really fancied this girl that I met last summer and then I found out she was a lesbian. I never confessed to fancying her but a god technique that I have found to work with people you dont want to fancy or are trying not to anymore for various reasons, (including straight girls) is to get REALLY friendly with them. I have a few friends that I used to fancy but i knew i shouldn't (lesbian, long term bf - my best friend etc.) get to be a friend to the extent that she feels like your sister. then it wont feel right any more, it really works for me.
bottom line, don't tell her, it wont get you anywhere, get friends with her so she feels like a sister and you wont fancy her anymore.
El Denté
PM me if you want to talk any more.
A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (25 February 2008):
It is always right to be honest, but it is also right to respect others feelings. You are in a difficult situation. If she is your friend then it is possible that she knows how you feel but I would take the opportunity to tell her that you are very fond of her, that you respect her choices but valued your friendship enough to want to be honest with her about how you feel.
Make sure she knows that you accept who she is and that you are not asking her to change that. Be prepared to back off a little to give her some time to adjust to what you have said. Tell her that you will always want to be friends and that you would like her to tell you if you ever start to "crowd" her.
If she is lesbian then their is nothing you can do about it and you will only ever be friends. However being friends is in many ways better than being in love because a really good friendship is for life and can often save us from ourselves. Remember friends do not keep score and do not sulk if other friends are upset. Friends accept us despite our faults and differences.
You may find in the future when you are exploring other relationships, that it can be a real benefit to have a lesbian best friend. She can help you to untangle and better understand women you are dating then. That will give you an advantage that many men do not get - an insight into the female mind from the perspective of a woman.
Take care, and respect her choices and feelings.
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