A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. Last week, one of my close friends who is male, asked if I could go accompany him to the wholesale supermarket since I had a membership and he wanted to get purchase a bunch of cleaning supplies, party supplies, etc. Somehow, we came up with an idea that I could pay for a portion of his meal prep this week and have him make me a weeks' worth of lunch boxes. I offered to pick them up a couple days later but he had spontaneous dinner plans, so offered to drop them off to me after dinner instead. It all seems so normal written out, but for some reason I feel guilty because now I feel like making home cooked meals and then driving 40 mins for delivery is something that's intimate and reserved for couples. My friend loves cooking and cooking for everyone though, including our mutual friends and my boyfriend when he was here. Am I overthinking?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2020): Thank you, everyone! Oh man, I need to chill.
WiseOwlE, you make a good point that guilt should only be there if I have other feelings or intentions. This is a good thought to keep in mind if I ever overthink again. Thank you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2020): Yep! Kiddo, your mind is on overdrive!
"My friend loves cooking and cooking for everyone though, including our mutual friends and my boyfriend when he was here."
How delightful! What's his specialty?
It's something he loves doing for "everyone." He's actually bartering for favors by doing so in this case. You helped him out, and he's just doing something kind in return.
My now-deceased domestic-partner was a gourmet cook, attorney by profession. He cooked delicacies for his colleagues, clients, his friends I've never met, and for a host of parties we've thrown ourselves. Cooking doesn't always have romance attached to it; but there is warmth, love, and heartfelt-friendship that is the spice that makes it all special.
Accept the lovely gesture with grace and appreciation. Everything a man does for you doesn't have an ulterior motive; and learn how to separate friendly-gestures from romantic-gestures. The purpose behind things is determined according to the situation and the circumstances that they occur. If a favor is seen as a favor, that's all it is!
Go back and read your own post, you explained why he's doing it.
Guilt should only be there if there is something going on in your own feelings or intentions that's not really above board. Do you have a fondness for him beyond platonic-friendship?
Don't poison an act of kindness. There is nothing intimate about his cooking a meal and delivering it to you. If he comes to your house, cooked, and spent the night...now that's when you better feel guilty!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 February 2020):
 Yes, you are overthinking this.
This was a case of quid pro quo, something for something. You LET him use your membership and in turn for him being able to buy stuff in bulk and cheaper, HE prepped lunches for a week for you. Food you ALSO paid for. So, his handiwork in prepping the lunch was his "payback" for being able to use your membership.
Which sounds TOTALLY fair.
Let's turn this on it's side.
Had this friend been female... would it be an issue? If not, WHY not? Is it or is it not... intimate?
No, making lunch for people is NOT intimate, necessarily. Think of ALL the people out there cooking in fast food or other restaurants!
IT IS intimate if your PARTNER does it or you do it for YOUR partner, because you put in that secret ingredients of CARE and LOVE.
Your friend KNOWS your BF. He obviously LOVES cooking, however.... IF you think he MEANT more by doing this than him just paying back your gesture, then DO not allow it again. That simple. He can still go shopping with you and your card, just don't involve him cooking for you... IF you feel he did with an ulterior motive.
I don't think he has one. (just wanted to add that) I think he just enjoys this.
You really shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, OP.
(don't overthink think like this)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 February 2020):
 Overthinking , big time.
I mean, maybe- just maybe - if you both were preparing your meals in his kitchen as a passtime, there would be a hint of excessive closeness, of getting a bit too cozy. And I ' am saying " maybe ", meaning that some people could read it or feel it this way.
But this guy basically gets paid for cooking meals for you and he will do it on his own ,and then deliver it to your place. He is doing a job for you, in a friendly way, but still something which he is being compensated for.
By the same token, when you call for pizza, and you have a young single deliveryl boy coming all the way right to your doorstep to bring you what you wanted…. then too, do you feel guilty ? Do you feel it is inappropriate,... and that women in a committed relationship should not have Young single males visisting them at home bringing delicacies ? :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2020): I don't think this sounds innappropriate at all.
If it makes you feel better, then insist on paying him for fuel to deliver the lunches. That way, it is all a business transaction! Plus if you tell your boyfriend about it, it takes it all completely above board and transparent. I'm sure he already knows that you have a close male friend anyway?
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (5 February 2020):
Are you overthinking? Without a shadow of a doubt. Cooking meals together is not the preserve of couples at all, never mind couples who have a long distance between them. This is really simple: you paid a share of someone’s shopping in exchange for the convenience of having someone who enjoys cooking anyway make some meals for you. It’s perfectly sensible and logical. Boundaries apply in the bedroom, not the kitchen. Relax and enjoy the food.
I wish you all the very best.
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