A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi. i have multiple questions that may not make sense for me to ask but please i prefered answered by you. i am in a relationship with this single guy for almost two years now. he says he loves me but i just dont feel it in his words nor action.Now i have a guy friend i've known for two years and is married for 2 years. he jokingly asked me 6 montyhs ago if i want to sleep with him. well i was disappointed with my real boyfriend so i decided to sleep with this guy friend just one time, and told him that it shouldnt happen again. we agreed, but he asked me out again, and i slept with him again. He's very passionate, loving, sweet and just him looking at me makes me melt even if were not in bed.it happened many times over and over again.first he was telling me he loves me.later on he told me he only loves one woman and that is his wife.when were having sex, he tells me he loves me. one day i asked him if he loves me or he only wants to have sex with me, and he said the same thing, he only loves his wife, but hurt his feeling with that question. now should i believe that if when were together, he is the most loving, passionate caring guy i've been with? he's always hugging, kissing me. and he puts his head on mine when were watching tv, and he tells me sweet things, just never about us being together in the future. i know its hopeless because he's married but its very important for me to know what you think he feels for me. i don't want to guess anymore about it but i cant read his mind. im falling in love with him and i know it's not right and want to forget him. also im falling out of love with my real boyfriend cause i dont feel anything from him and maybe im in love with my married friend? i want to get rid of both, but don't know how. please advise. please.....
View related questions:
kissing, married man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes, i am very confused and hurt. your advise are all common sense, why does it seem so hard to do? im not the kind of person who likes to hurt people's feelings but i know i got to do it once and for all. gosh i'm too old for this crap.thank you all for the advice
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2008): Vow, you must be feeling a lot of hurt and confusion at this stage;
BUT it is very simple and basic; you have to get out of both these relationships; you have to quit both; the sooner the better;
You need to take time to find yourself; to establish what you want from a guy and from a relationhsip; do some stock taking;
How to get out:
Married lover: Send an text or email that you will not continue the friendship with benefits anymore, you need more.
Boyfriend: I suggest you have a good chat to and tell him how you feel; he deserves the right to move on with his life too; he can find somebody that will make him happy and value him; so do you!
Don't delay this; yes it will hurt, but you owe that to yourself to find yourself and then to find somebody that can make you happy and with whom you can share a loving relationship.
Be strong and best of luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (22 June 2008):
 You're making your relationships complicated.
"Passionate", "loving", "caring" and "sweet", nice as they might be, are not enough. Truth, honesty and commitment are essential components of a workable relationship - and although I don't mean that everyone has to be truthful and honest about every little thing, the big things in a relationship must be based on total trust otherwise it's going to fall apart sooner or later.
Sure this married guy loves you, but he has already amde it clear he's not committed to you. He loves his wife, and he never talks about a future with you. He's not honest with his wife, and in that relationship he's not trustworthy - so what makes you think he'll always be honest and trustworthy with you? It's easy to give you all the outward signs of love, the hugging, the kissing, the sweet compliments. Anyone can do that. I could do that for you! It's nice, it's convenient, it's enjoyable. That's it. It's not going any further, and you already know it's wrong and it's hopeless.
You don't say very much about the single guy in your life, except that you don't feel real love in his words or actions. Look more closely, because there is often more than the superficial signs that anyone can do but not everyone wants or needs to do. If you're sure it's not there then yes, move on.
You end by saying you want to get rid of both of them but you don't know how. It's the easiest thing in the world. "I'm sorry I can't do this any more. It doesn't feel right." Done. Turn, walk away. Don't look back. Find a lover who loves you because he wants you, because he wants to be with you, because he wants to give you all his love, not just a part of it that happens to be convenient. Find a lover who wants to be share all of your life and wants you to share all of his, not just the bit that happens to be available at that particular moment.
...............................
|
