A
female
age
30-35,
*bbyandyou
writes:I'm sorry if this is long but I really, really need advice.I am a 22 year old girl and I have a boyfriend, but I think I'm in love with this girl. She's in one of my classes in school and there's just something about her that.... well I don't really know how to put it. We've been out together a few times- just the both of us-, had great deep conversations about love and everything else thinkable. The thing is, she never told me she was gay until a few months ago and ever since she told me, I just feel like my whole world has changed. Let's just say, I think I've developed feelings for her. I don't know how it happened. All I know is I'm scared as hell now. Every time she's around me, I feel so nervous and shy and awkward, yet at the same time, I feel so warm and fuzzy and comfortable and happy inside... To make everything worst, when we went out last week, I almost leaned in to kiss her when she walked me home. But I think she realized how wrong it would be since I have a boyfriend because she took a step back and quickly said goodbye.I feel like a fool now. How do I stop feeling this way for her? I don't want to feel like this anymore but god, it seems like I just can't help it... I find that I just.... I just really want to love her and protect her and be with her. I want to make her feel like she's the most beautiful woman in the world. On top of all that, I really want to kiss her too. But I can't hurt my boyfriend. I really can't. I've been trying my best to keep away from her but it's impossible because she's in my lit class at school and there's just NO avoiding her. Even if I tried, I don't think I can truly bring myself to walk away from her life. I honestly think I'd die if I did that. I've tried everything. Silly as it sounds, I've tried picturing her in her ugliest state- like with buck teeth and zits but none of it is working. I swear I am not lying when I say it feels like she's got a magnet on her body and it's attracting me to her. Can anyone please advise me on what to do? I feel like a cheating bitch now. I don't know what to do!
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female
reader, abbyandyou +, writes (27 October 2011):
abbyandyou is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate all your advices. It's gonna be the worst thing to do to someone but I guess I have to break up with him. My feelings for her are just too.... strong. I never knew I could want someone so much.Nonetheless, stressed-and-tired, thank you. I'm quite certain this isn't a stage or phase that I'm going through because my feelings for her are just so strong. I'd definitely talk to my friend and then we'll see how it goes from there.And AuntyAlexxmo, thank you as well. I thought through the questions that you wrote and I found that yes, I still have feelings for my boyfriend, but it has definitely, definitely changed after the girl that I like told me she's gay. I feel even stronger for her than I do for him. I think what's holding me back from breaking up with him is the fact that he's such a nice guy and I guess I just don't want to be the bad person in the situation. But you're right. I don't want to keep hurting him either. That'll just be cruel. Again, thank you. I appreciate your help. :) also, atracy, thank you so much for letting me know that i'm not alone on this matter. it means a lot to me, knowing that there are others who has been through this. I actually have always wondered if I was gay, but I just left it at that and never asked any more questions about my sexuality. I guess this whole incident- me being friends with her and her being in my Lit class- is just God's way of showing me that I shouldn't be afraid or run away from who I am. Thank you again.
A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (26 October 2011):
 To start with you shouldnt feel bad at all, you have not cheated on anyone and we cant control how we feel. the fact you say you dont want to hurt your boyfriend shows that you are thoughtful and care about other peoples feelings.
Unfortunately if you feel this strongly for her then there isnt really a lot you can do to stop yourself feeling this way.
Do you still have feelings for your boyfriend? And have these feeling for him changed since you met and started liking this girl? its just if you feel so strongly for her, do you actually feel the same way about him?
If you dont it really isnt fair to carry on in a relationship with him, if he isnt what you want, I know its not nice hurting people but it will only hurt more the long it goes on.
If you real do like her this much and you decide your boyfriend isnt what you want then i dont see what is stopping your going for things with her, you could tell her how you feel, or if you are single may try kissing her and seeing how she reacts, that is up to you i guess.
I know its hard but nobody want to live with "what ifs" so have a think about who and what it is you reaaly want.
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A
female
reader, stressedandtired  +, writes (26 October 2011):
 Sounds like you may be bisexual. There's no stopping the way you feel. You have a boyfriend but it's not fair to him if you're having feelings for someone else. If you and this girl are close why don't you just tell her how you feel. You have to be true to yourself. You may not want to hurt your boyfriend but at the end of the day, you deserve to be happy. Talk to your friend and find out if she feels the same way about you. If you end up wanting her more than your boyfriend, you'll have to break it off. But make sure this isn't just a stage you're going through before you end it with him.
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A
female
reader, atracy +, writes (26 October 2011):
This scenario hits very close to home for me. I was with my boyfriend for 4.5 years and developed very strong feelings for this girl in my college class. We talked constantly and I found out she was a lesbian. I was always attracted to her and really liked her, but when she said she was gay it made my feelings for her okay, since in my eyes that meant a potential relationship. After a very hard time I finally came out to everyone that I was gay, including my boyfriend. I always knew it was there, but there never was anyone worth liking enough in my community to fully come out.
I am definitely not saying you are gay, but you have a potential to be bi considering the feelings you described.
Needless to say I ended my long time serious relationship with my boyfriend and I pursued my friend.
Do not let something potentially amazing slip away from you. Besides maybe you could be happier. Life is too short to go on thinking what if in the future.
I wrote to dear cupid about my problem with my now ex boyfriend and being in love with my best friend. Some told me to leave it be and stay with my boyfriend. Others told me to go for it.... I am so glad I listened to the ones that told me to go for it. I am now in true love and happier.
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