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age
36-40,
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writes: Please any advice would help me right now!!I am 21 and have been living with Boyfriend for the last few months, but i have met someone who i like more than what i should.I have always said it doesn't matter how happy you are with your partner your feelings do not just stop.But i feel that i am very wrong because I the man i have feelings for came to my house for the 1st time last week, i have never lied to my Boyfriend, i told him "my friend" was coming round, which is not a lie, if my Boyfriend asked my straight out if i liked him more than just a friend, i would tell him, i couldn't lie, but i also can't stop seeing My Friend.The other part to this story which is very very bad is My Friend is married, i have never cheated on anyone, i feel that people that go for married men are disgusting, but recenlty i discovered someone close to me was having an affair and listening to their story, i understood that the 2 people involved had feelings for each other and wasn't as horrid as i had thought.I am really confused, as bad as it sounds i have thought about kissing this Friend but that is as far as it goes, My Boyfriend is the first person i have been with and i dont want to be with anyone else in that way, i want to forget about the Friend but it is so hard because he is a really good friend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn realtion to Eddie, i understand what he is saying wih me calling him a friend is a cover up but I have not always had feelings for him, It was at one stage oure friendship & i wish it was still like that.
I really didn't understand at all what he was trying to tell me about "Do not try to paint a Hollywood movie picture of cheating either." everyone has their own opinions, I understand what cheating can do, you saying i dont know how devistaing it can be, you don't know that, i know what it can do to people because i have seen it & alot more.
& also as for him saying i have chosen to ruin someone's life,i feel that is a little bit harsh, as i have not done anything with this man, I am confused, i am not sure if i should tell my partner? but then i don't know why.... because there is nothing wront with our relationship.
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reader, eddie  +, writes (11 October 2008):
 First of all you need to understand one thing, this other guy is not your friend. You like each other in a way that is more than you like your other friends. He is someone you're attracted to. That is the first thing you need to be honest about. The word friend is just a word we choose to use when we want to justify our poor behavior. He is actually a potential lover.
You're already lying to your boyfriend by having this other man over to your house. It's not a verbal lie but an act of deception because you're breaking the normally understood rules of relationships. That rule says that when you get the hots for some other that your partner, you don't act on it.
Do not try to paint a Hollywood movie picture of cheating either. Until yo are older and wise about marriage, you'll never understand how devastating your actions actually are. You are taking part in something that could ruin someone else's life and cause that woman a lot of pain. You are choosing to do that.
People with integrity do not do these things. Even if they're tempted, they choose not to. Not because they don't desire to do it, but because it's wrong. A person with integrity would try to repair their relationship. If that didn't work they would split up. At that point they would be free to date unattached others.
This is a very selfish world and people often choose to do things the easy way or the way that makes them feel best. People are often short sighted and the results are not seen until later.
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